The Bad-Ass Priest and the Kick-Ass Nun

Philippines Ban Contact Between Men and Women

2006-12-04T03:17:00.000-08:00

Subic, Philippines - It all started with 'Nicole'. 'Nicole' was the victim of the famous Subic rape case victim. And when the exchange forces from America came to Subic for military exercises, 'Nicole' and her group of clueless whiners gathered at the port protesting the entry of American forces in the Philippines.

'Nicole', a court-appointed pseudonym, also appealed to the government not to allow more visits by American war vessels “to prevent the rape of more Filipinas by American soldiers.” The Palace seems to be pressured by their protest since 'Nicole' is backed by big-named idiots that hold positions in the government and by moralistic Christians who whine a lot. Media also backs 'Nicole', since her story sell their newspaper a lot and tv ratings rises whenever any update on this issue comes up.

However, critics are quick to criticize 'Nicole', since her statement made it seem that it is really worse to be raped by an American compared to a Filipino or by any other rapist
with a different nationality.

In that case, 'Nicole' replied: "Although it is much better to be raped by our own countrymen compared to foreigners, we must not stop here! We must stop all contact between men and
women here in the Philippines in order to avoid rape."

Because all people, including the Christian moralists, Media men, politicians, injected the issue
with needless politics and ranting and whining, Congress today have approved a law called
"Nicole Law"

This law prohibits any contact by any man to a Filipino woman, regardless of his nationality in order to prevent the rape of Filipina women by men, regardless of their nationality.

Hilary Clinton is Accused of Re-using Bill Clinton's Speeches

2006-11-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Seattle, Washington, - Critics have been quick to criticize Hillary Clinton on her speach here today at the University of Washington regarding video game violence. Critics have judged
Hillary Clinton's speech is just exactly the same speech as her husband William Jefferson Clinton aka. Bill Clinton. They also quick to point out that Hillary's speech have always been the same speech she has been giving in the past few months.

Hillary Clinton's publicist denied the rumour that Hillary Clinton's speeches are always the same: "I don't know where the rumour came from, but Hillary's speeches are original and heartful
speeches that came directly from her heart."

However, critics are quick to point out evidence that Hillary Clinton's speeches are the exact copy of her husband speeches, when before the speech began she pointed to a man and said "Nice
boobs, how about giving me a nice blowjob later."

Women Are Far More Evil Than Hitler!

2006-11-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

As you know, Bad-Ass priest Derick absolutely hates Filipino television shows. And I gotta agree with him. Filipino television shows these days are nothing but uninspired. They are nothing but cookie-cutter stories with stereotypical characters with typical plot-twists with lame ending. All of them are lame.

From Marina to Panday to Mulawin to Super Inggo, all of the Filipino television shows are nothing more than brainless entertainment. However, what is more aggravating is that all the women in Filipino television shows are scheming, conniving, manipulative, controlling, scary, and evil bitches. They are far worse even than Hitler himself.

You probably want to know why these women are worse than Hitler. Well, if you are familiar or watched at least one tv series made in the Philippines, you will see that there is no male villain in any of the shows. All of the villains in these shows are women, and scheming too. The female villains in Filipino tv series are so evil and good at making elaborate blackmailing schemes.

These women are not just good at making elaborate evil schemes, but they are also good at giving menacing looks. They also team up with other female villains to gang up on a person, just only to backstab each other at the end. And even if there are male villains in the tv series, they are really just working for their evil female boss.

So join me and Derick to vanquish all these uninspired crap from Filipino television shows before we are totally overrun by scheming, conniving, manipulative, controlling, scary, and evil bitches that are far worse than Hitler himself.

Why Fucking Adult Sex MMORPGs Do Not Work

2006-10-19T23:09:00.000-07:00

MMORPGs like WOW are very popular these days. Everyday, companies that make these MMORPGs earn millions of dollars. And its the law of the universe that sex sells. In fact porn sells billions of dollars. So, what do you get if you combine MMORPG and porn, a Multibillion-dollar earning industry? Fuck no! It is like hell walked on earth.

I know you'll ask me why a sex-based MMORPG will not work. Come on dipshit! Try to use your brain a little. I know you idiots don't have a brain, but this thing doesn't even need thinking.

If there will be a sex-based MMORPG, men would be roleplaying as women having sex with men. Man, that is gay.

And that is the very reason why although so many game companies tries to make a sex-based MMORPG but can't do it.

Computer Shops That Sell Defective Products Should Close Down

2006-10-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

I hate computer shops that sell defective products. These computer shops sell defective products that only work for as long as your warranty last. And when the computer's warranty run out, your computer will break down. It is like these computer shops put a time bomb inside the computer that will go off when the computer's warranty expires.

What is more aggreviating here is that these fucking computer shops won't repair your computer. They will just say "Sorry, can't do jack. But we will give you a 10% discount on your next computer purchase for the inconvenience of having a computer break down on you days after your computer's warranty expired." Fuckers!

So as you can see, these computer shops are money-grabbing assholes that want to get more money from you by selling defective products with short limited warranty and high prices.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity

Due To Popular Demand, I Am Going Back To Review Porn Again (Not Safe For Work) First Porn Review: Reality Show + Porn = Comedy?

2006-10-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah, a lot people complained to me that I have only reviewed and wrote 2 porn-related materials. You sick people want me to write more porn movies and hentai game reviews. The reason why I didn't continue writing about the horrors of porn and hentai games is because no amount of intelligence can be found in your brain sick fucks! Don't view this webpage at work! Do it at home! Don't masturbate will viewing porn in your office table. Just think about all that spunk that will dry on your keyboard and monitor.

But yesterday, Jesus called and said that I can review porn and hentai games again. And he left me a very insightful message:

"Derick, go ahead and post porn and hentai game reviews that are not safe for work. If they get fired because they are viewing your site, it is because they're stupid!"

So without further ado, I am going to review porn movies and hentai games again. And probably all of those stupid Candy Girl and Realdoll will be included too.

Anyway, I can say that reality shows are quite hot these days. Mindless idiots who have no life and no sense of reality will watch them. That is why alot of reality shows get high ratings. While porn on the other hand, is the most watched show ever, in any country and in any religion. So what do you get when you combine reality show and porn together? Riho Nanase: 24/7 Bukake anytime, anywhere.

The premise of this awful porn is like what all reality shows do: Lock up some dumb broad in a house, and fuck them in the face. Well, this porn does things further by doing it literaly.

This porn shows how a ordinary girl living in a small apartment that is monitored by cameras. At random times, random guys will enter her apartment and wank and then shoot their cum at her. And when I say at random times, I really mean it.

The puke-inducing porn innocently start with random group of guys coming into Riho's apartment when she was watching tv. And these guys, I tell you, they are fans of Ben Stiller. They make a homage to the equally puke-inducing movie "There's something about Mary" by shooting their semen to the Riho's hair:

What a cool gel!

Then the while Riho was eating pudding, another group of sick wankers entered her apartment and proceded to spank their wanking sausage and cum on Riho's pudding

cum-covered pudding, anyone?

And this porn lives up to its name of 24/7 bukake anytime, anywhere as another group of guys comes in while Riho is talking to someone with her cellphone. Then the group
brandish their wanking sausage and spurt their man juice while Riho is still talking with someone on her cellphone.

Caller: You said a mouthful lady

After a few hours of non-stop onslaught of guys wanking at Riho's face, breast and wherever they can think of, they left Riho for a nice good long sleep. But in the kooky world of porn, no one is safe. So another group of guys came in while Riho is sleeping and cum on her face, again...

Guy:Rise and shine! Oh yeah, I'm cumming in your face!
Riho: Darn it! I knew I should have just bought a regular alarm clock!

And after all the stupid wanking on Riho's face, I guess all the guys drop the pretense and went all out. The bukake ensemble gather all around Riho and give Riho the tsunami cum on her face.

If you feel that I rushed the review, I admit that I did. No amount of alcohol can wash away the stupidity of reality show and porn mix from my eyes.

In the end, Riho Nanase: 24/7 Bukake anytime, anywhere is like a type of a very bad reality show that you can only watch when your parents are already asleep. It simulates reality shows witch bad porn and expect you to watch it.

Bottom line of this horrible porn is that reality shows and porn are a deadly mix. And you must have enough rope near you so you can hang yourself or bang your head against the computer table hard enough in order to stop the part of your brain responsible for comprehension.

And if you are asking me where to get these kind of porn, go fuck yourselves.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, porn, movies

What's Better Than A Bad-Ass Priest? Well, A Kick-Ass Nun!

2006-10-10T05:10:00.000-07:00

Listen up, my loyal subjects, this is Derick, your resident Bad-Ass priest. As much I kick asses for the Lord, it seems that stupidity keeps growing and growing. So coming from our Church of Bad-Assery, our resident Kick-Ass Nun Etna will help fight stupidity of the world.

Starting this week, Etna will start kicking asses with kick-ass articles. So keep reading and support the Church of Bad-Assery

My Colleague Murdered the English Language

2006-09-15T05:02:00.000-07:00

Yup, my colleague officially killed the English language today. By the time my colleague he’s finished with the English language; it was bloody mess that you can’t identify it.

He is so much of a dipshit that really butchers the English language every fucking time that he speaks, writes or thinks.

Just look at some of the stupidity that reeks out of this idiot:

Random person: “Where did Michael Jordan played basketball in college?”

My idiot colleague: “Michael Jordan played North Carolina.”

It’s a good thing that I was passing by when a random person was having a conversation with my colleague. Since I am a very merciful bad ass person, I did my idiot colleague a favor by kicking his nuts and beat some sense into him. Holy shit dimwit, Michael Jordan played North Carolina? If I ever meet Michael Jordan in person, I will ask him where did he get the game called “North Carolina” because I looked all over the world and never saw a game called “North Carolina.”

Hey dimwit, I have to wonder where you went to college. Because you defy all sense of logic. While technically the sentence has a correct syntax, the sentence itself is very much idiotic and even normal people will be infected with your stupidity. A better answer would be: “Michael Jordan played college basketball in North Carolina.”

And every time you have to talk or write to anyone, you have to write or speak in “l33t” talk or other fucking murdered English. You can’t resist saying “pwned” or like “LOL” or “GTG”. Hey dickhead, do you have to be fucking stupid and lazy and can’t write properly?

Don’t worry though, next time you murder English again, I am going to do humanity a favor and give you a swift kick to your fucking face.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, work

The Most Fucking Idiot Ever: Superman!

2006-09-15T04:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we know that one of the most stupid superheroes ever is Superman for wearing his red underwear over his blue thights, but you see, Superman is the most stupid idiot ever for not conquering the world.

Yes, he is stupid for wearing his red underwear over his blue thights and not the other way around.

Superman is the most fucking stupid idiotic superhero because he's a visitor from the planet Krypton, with powers far beyond men! Can jump over tall buildings with a single leap, faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a speeding train, and yet he didn't conquer the world? Any self-respecting visiting alien from other planet will really try to invade and conquer it. Superman tries to be nice and pretends to be a idiot, pussy whipped journalist. And yes, Superman has four amazing dorky super-pets: a dog, a cat, a horse and a monkey?named Krypto, Streaky, Comet and Beppo. Now you really have to wonder, Superman has already have the power to conquer the world, and he also has a small army of idiotic super-pets to do his bidding, yet, why he didn't conquer the world? Man, what a dope. He's not Superman, he's Superstupid.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, comics

Due to Bad-Assery, I Have a Direct Phoneline to God

2006-09-15T04:50:00.000-07:00

You know, every year, we always have doomsayers that always predict the end of the world in that year or something like that. These people are fucking stupid, they keep predicting every single bad thing that happens as an omen that the world is nearing its end. And stupid thing here is that, when it doesn't happen, they will say God has given us more time and whatever shit they think of and then they again predict the end of the world. I tell you, it is an idiot, vicious cycle.

And the funny thing here is, is that these doomsayers keep using unrelated things as an omen that the world will end. Remember when these idiots say that the credit card is the '666' mark and that is an omen that the world will end? Or how about the 2K or so-called 'millenium bug' signals the end of the world?

Remember when these fucking doomsayers said that the world will end in September 23, 1997? No? You don't remember? That's okay, neither these doomsayers remember either.
What about in 1999, when these assholes predicted that the world will end in exactly January 1, 2000, do you still remember? No? You don't remember either? That's okay, that prediction was asinine to begin with. Or how about the World Trade Center incident? You don't remember it? That's okay too, you were probably too busy bombing Iraq.

Well, since I am a bad-ass priest that kicks a lot of ass for the Lord, the Lord actually given me his phone number. So, I usually contact the Lord everytime these doomsayers predict about the end of the world. And usually, our conversation ends something like below:

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Lord: "Yo, what's up?"
Me: "Anyway, I heard some doomsayers say that the world will end next month"
Lord: "Yeah. I'm planning some hailstorm, cometstrikes, simultaneous volcano eruptions and such. You know, typical end of the world stuff."
Me: "Okay. Well then, I'll see you in a month"

After a month,

Me: "Yo Dude!"
Lord: "Hey man!"
Me: "Hey I thought you are going to end the world this month."
Lord: "Oh, I completely forgot all about it. Oh well, I guess you all get to live until another doomsayer says otherwise."
Me: "Uh... okay."

Yep, that happens a lot. Man I hate doomsayers a lot.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity
religion

Everytime Anime Otakus debates, the Universe explodes

2006-09-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

Seriously, you fucking retards that I am going to label Anime Otakus are expecting too much out of a cartoon.

You keep wondering why Naruto can do a Kage-no-Bunshin or debating with your gay otaku friends on how Akatsuki can return the beams to its enemies. The reason that they can get away with it is that it is a fucking anim?. There's no logic behind it, because it is a freaking anime.

Everytime you try to put Physics in anim?, an anim? catgirl dies because you stupid shit keeps on trying to put logic on something that there is no logic involved.

Guess what? You are no different from Star Trek and Star Wars fans, which I am going to label Star Dorks. These dorks are like you, they try to bullshit you to explaining every single technology and term that exist in their stupid little world. I am going to say to you that you're life will not improve if you know the terms and technology in that show.

Remember dorks, it is just a cartoon, not your advanced Physics class.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, anime

To the Guy that is Wearing the "Your Stupid" Shirt

2006-09-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

Right....

I'm stupid? That's so great analogy of me, considering you're wearing a stupid shirt with stupid grammar and spelling to boot.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity

Internet is Full of Tubes! Ha Ha Ha!

2006-09-15T04:24:00.000-07:00

You know, I thought that the Filipino senators are the funniest people on earth. However, I think Senator Ted Stevens is the funniest Senator on earth, ever.

If you have been surfing the internet a lot, you will know that the issue about Net Neutrality. If you don't, please stand up right now, and stop using the computer to surf the internet forever, you do not deserve it.

Ted Stevens is a senator of Alaska who made a bold statement regarding the Internet. Yes, a very bold statement. He said that "Internet is full of tubes."

Yes, the internet "is full of tubes." And I thought that Filipino senators are the only stupid idiots who decide on issues that they have no knowledge about, here comes the "Drama Queen of the U.S. Senate" Ted Stevens trying to top them off.

Anyway, if you are wondering what he did say about Net Neutrality issue, I included the whole manuscript below:

"There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.

But this service is now going to go through the internet* and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.

Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.

We aren't earning anything by going on that internet. Now I'm not saying you have to or you want to discrimnate against those people [?]

The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time. [?]

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Now we have a separate Department of Defense internet now, did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.

[?]

Now I think these people are arguing whether they should be able to dump all that stuff on the internet ought to consider if they should develop a system themselves.

Maybe there is a place for a commercial net but it's not using what consumers use every day.

It's not using the messaging service that is essential to small businesses, to our operation of families.

The whole concept is that we should not go into this until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me."

Ha ha ha! What a crock! That is why I tell people that senators think that they are in Saturday Night Live, because they are goddamn funny!

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, politics

Perverts Are Rejoicing All Over the United States

2006-09-15T02:57:00.000-07:00

You know, as much as I hate almost everything in this world, the only thing that makes me so furious are the fucking perverts who watch a certain genre of porn. Yep, I hate fucking perverts who watch and read hentai. But not ordinary hentai, it is the stupid hentai “Lolicon”.

For the stupid idiots who doesn’t even have any single idea what “Lolicon” is, “Lolicon”, or “Rorikon” (that’s how the perverted Japanese pronounce it) is a Japanese abbreviation of Lolita complex, which is pretty much pedophilia. But hey, “Lolicon” or “Loli”(another fucking word for it) in Japanese talks about the brain disease that makes perverts like children.

The word “Lolicon” or “Loli” is often referred to sexual debauchery anime-style artwork, which we will talk about. The “Lolicon” or “Loli” art can be seen pretty much anywhere, such as manga, which portray children having sex. Pretty much all of this nasty stuff came from the land of the rising sun, Japan. They usually show girls that have prepubescent bodies doing nasty stuff. You name it, they got it. “Lolicon” art that features scat, they got it. “Lolicon” art that shows tentacles sex, check. Whatever the shit these perverts like their child porn.

But as much I hate “Lolicon”, these bullshit they call “art” are generally legal in Japan. Yep, Japan is way fucked-up country, especially when that country also has used panties vending machine.

But you know, this “Lolicon” disease isn’t just contained in Japan. Its’ germs have spread to a lot of places, mainly America. Generally speaking, every stupid male anime “otaku” freak with internet access in America has a lot of “Lolicon” illustrations in his computer.

But as all idiots and stupid fucks that try to stop “Lolicon” failed. You want to know why? If you read the Protect Act, you’ll know why. If you don’t, then you’re fucking stupid.

Here is the exact text of SEC. 502. of Protect Act:

SEC. 502. IMPROVEMENTS TO PROHIBITION ON VIRTUAL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.

(a) Section 2256(8) of title 18, United States Code, is amended--

(1) so that subparagraph (B) reads as follows:

`(B) such visual depiction is a digital image, computer image, or computer-generated image that is, or is indistinguishable from, that of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct; or';

(2) by striking `; or' at the end of subparagraph (C) and inserting a period; and

(3) by striking subparagraph (D).

(b) Section 2256(2) of title 18, United States Code, is amended to read as follows:

`(2)(A) Except as provided in subparagraph (B), `sexually explicit conduct' means actual or simulated--

`(i) sexual intercourse, including genital-genital, oral-genital, anal-genital, or oral-anal, whether between persons of the same or opposite sex;

`(ii) bestiality;

`(iii) masturbation;

`(iv) sadistic or masochistic abuse; or

`(v) lascivious exhibition of the genitals or pubic area of any person;

`(B) For purposes of subsection 8(B) of this section, `sexually explicit conduct' means--

`(i) graphic sexual intercourse, including genital-genital, oral-genital, anal-genital, or oral-anal, whether between persons of the same or opposite sex, or lascivious simulated sexual intercourse where the genitals, breast, or pubic area of any person is exhibited;

`(ii) graphic or lascivious simulated;

`(I) bestiality;

`(II) masturbation; or

`(III) sadistic or masochistic abuse; or

`(iii) graphic or simulated lascivious exhibition of the genitals or pubic area of any person;'.

(c) Section 2256 is amended by inserting at the end the following new paragraphs:

`(10) `graphic', when used with respect to a depiction of sexually explicit conduct, means that a viewer can observe any part of the genitals or pubic area of any depicted person or animal during any part of the time that the sexually explicit conduct is being depicted; and

`(11) the term `indistinguishable' used with respect to a depiction, means virtually indistinguishable, in that the depiction is such that an ordinary person viewing the depiction would conclude that the depiction is of an actual minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct. This definition does not apply to depictions that are drawings, cartoons, sculptures, or paintings depicting minors or adults.'.

(d) Section 2252A(c) of title 18, United States Code, is amended to read as follows:

`(c) It shall be an affirmative defense to a charge of violating paragraph (1), (2), (3)(A), (4), or (5) of subsection (a) that--

`(1)(A) the alleged child pornography was produced using an actual person or persons engaging in sexually explicit conduct; and

`(B) each such person was an adult at the time the material was produced; or

`(2) the alleged child pornography was not produced using any actual minor or minors.

No affirmative defense under subsection (c)(2) shall be available in any prosecution that involves child pornography as described in section 2256(8)(C). A defendant may not assert an affirmative defense to a charge of violating paragraph (1), (2), (3)(A), (4), or (5) of subsection (a) unless, within the time provided for filing pretrial motions or at such time prior to trial as the judge may direct, but in no event later than 10 days before the commencement of the trial, the defendant provides the court and the United States with notice of the intent to assert such defense and the substance of any expert or other specialized testimony or evidence upon which the defendant intends to rely. If the defendant fails to comply with this subsection, the court shall, absent a finding of extraordinary circumstances that prevented timely compliance, prohibit the defendant from asserting such defense to a charge of violating paragraph (1), (2), (3)(A), (4), or (5) of subsection (a) or presenting any evidence for which the defendant has failed to provide proper and timely notice.'.

Not that all of the fucking text matters. You just need to read the fucking section 2256. If you can read that, it says:

“`(11) the term `indistinguishable' used with respect to a depiction, means virtually indistinguishable, in that the depiction is such that an ordinary person viewing the depiction would conclude that the depiction is of an actual minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct. This definition does not apply to depictions that are drawings, cartoons, sculptures, or paintings depicting minors or adults.'.

It just means that any fucking “drawing” or “art” that shows prepubescent girls having sex is completely legal. Man, Americans are sick. So, moralists and other advent groups in America that want these “Lolicon” art be abolished in their land have no hope in doing so.

But hey, Lolicon art or Loli doesn’t even directly use children so any fucking pervert can be excused when they are caught masturbating at Lolicon art.

Man, I thought that people were only stupid and idiotic. But seeing the United States Supreme Court ruled that “Lolicon” hentai is legal is way fucking stupid.

Listed in Technorati under humor, politics, random stupidity

Get Back in Line, Bitch!

2006-09-15T02:56:00.000-07:00

While I was waiting in a long line in a local store, there was this bitch that tried to cut in line just in front of me. That bitch should thank God because I am still in a good mood, so I said "Hey miss, there's a long line here, please go to the end of the line and wait for your turn" to her.

Did she go back to the end of the line? No, she started bitching and whining, saying "You should let me cut in line, you inconsiderate prick, where's your sense of chivalry?" Oh yeah, here's your chivalry bitch, meet my 12 inch foot up in your ass!

Yeah bitch, take your stupid argument about chivalry and shove it up your ass! You bitches keep on arguing about equal rights among the sexes and you expect us to give way for you bitches? Tough luck bitch, we have equal rights now, so tough it out too and get back to the end of the line, bitch.

After giving this bitch the ass-kicking of her life, people applauded me for giving this stupid bitch what she deserves.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy

Updated List Of Filipino Celebrities That I Hate

2006-09-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

From this article, yes, I admit I think I am losing my bad-assness now. Yep, I thought that I already covered all the Filipino celebrities that I hate with my short list, but now, I need to update it because, there are some Filipino celebrities I hate that I haven't mentioned yet. So now, here is the updated list of Filipino celebrities that I hate:

1. Everyone
2. Their sons and/or daugthers or their future sons and/or daugthers.

Seriously, the Filipino television and movies today have so much inept actors and actresses already, but these inept actors and actresses have so much ego that they think they can act have no sense of shame. These idiots have plans of insisting their sons and/or daugthers to be actors and actresses too.

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!!! These idiots can't act already and they are insisting their sons and/or daugthers to be idiots too by going into show business. Look at the following actors and actresses who insisted their fucking sons and/or daughters can act:(I know I am putting a big space here, just in case you're wondering)

Parent	Sons and daugthers who entered show business
Fernando Poe, Sr.	Fernando Poe, Jr.
Eddie Gutierrez Anabelle Rama	Richard Gutierrez(the highest paid idiot in the showbiz industry in the Philippines today) Ruffa Gutierrez, Raymond Gutierrez Ritchie Paul
Pilita Corrales	Jackie Lou Blanco Ramon Christopher
Eddie Mesa Rosemarie Gil	Mark Gil, Cherie Gil
Michael De Mesa Gina Alajar	Ryan Eigenmann, Geoff Eigenmann, AJ Eigenmann
Dolphy(Rodolfo Vera Quizon)	From Alma Moreno: Vandolph From Pamela Ponti: Ronnie Quizon, Eric Quizon, Jeffrey Quizon
Alma Moreno	Mark Anthony Fernandez, Vandolph
Joey de Leon	From Daria Ramirez: Keempee de Leon
Helen Vela	Princess Punzalan
Sharon Cuneta	Maria Kristina Cassandra Concepcion

I can post more here, but I think I made my point. Filipino television is filled with inept actors and actresses and their idiot sons and daughters.

You know, it wouldn't be bad if their sons and daugthers are decent actors, but no, they are nothing more than second-rate, trying hard copycat of their inept parents. As if the Filipino television and movies weren't fucking bad and puke-inducing, here comes their equally, if not more idiotic sons and daughters make it worse. I think I quoted "Bituin walang ningning(Star that doesn't shine)" here.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, television, Philippines

Internet forums posting is a fucking serious business

2006-09-15T02:45:00.000-07:00

Internet forums posting is a fucking serious business

Man, people are so fucking serious about everything but still fucking stupid. People are treating Internet forums posting as a fucking serious business.

Every time a jerk post a stupid remark, someone declares war on the pitiful jerk and keep harassing the jerk until all hell breaks loose in the forums. I must say that their enthusiasm is very much welcome, but their stupidity is not. Every time a jerk gives a stupid remark to me, I just ignore the fucking jerk. Why waste your time with jerks?

Apparently there is an idiot that killed her classmate due to a fucking internet forum post.

(Note: links to the real news below. If you still don’t believe it, you’re stupid.)

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2004/06/03
/international1303EDT0625.DTL
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3772737.stm

http://news.bostonherald.com/international/view.bg?articleid
=44426&format=text

Full article from BBC below:

"A Japanese schoolgirl who killed her classmate has offered an apology to her family and the victim's relatives as more details emerged of her motives.

The girl reportedly told police she was annoyed by comments Satomi Mitarai made about her appearance during their exchanges in internet chatrooms.

This has prompted Japanese media to question the dangers of this form of communication.

Satomi Mitarai, 12, died on Tuesday after being slashed with a small knife.

"She wrote something bad about my appearance several times on the Net a few days before the incident. I didn't like that, so I called her (to a study room) and slashed her neck after getting her to sit on a chair," the Yomiuri Shimbun quoted Mitarai's killer, 11, as telling police sources.

Her lawyers said she had begun to question her actions, and had repeatedly expressed remorse.

"I wonder why I did it. If I thought and acted properly it wouldn't have happened. I would like to apologise," she was quoted as saying.

The Mainichi newspaper said she told investigators she had planned the murder four days earlier, and had been inspired to use a paper cutter after seeing the method used in a television drama.

"I saw that drama. I thought I'd do it that way", she was quoted as saying.

The Asahi Shimbun said classmates at Okubo Elementary School in Sasebo, southern Japan, had often seen her reading horror books, including Battle Royale, about schoolchildren killing each other.

Children are increasingly using online chatrooms to communicate, according to Yomiuri.

The newspaper quoted a professor in media studies as saying that this could lead to misunderstandings.

"Generally speaking, it's true that people communicating on the internet can bring people closer, but unlike other forms of communication, such as the phone, it's very hard to pick up the nuances and subtleties when talking online," Tasuo Inamasu, of Hosei University, told the paper.

But he said the internet alone could not be blamed for this crime.

"There must have been a lot that went before... I don't think we can blame computers for causing a murder," he told Reuters news agency.

Juvenile crime

There has been considerable hand-wringing in Japan over youth crime, ever since a shocking incident in 1997 in which a 14-year-old boy killed an 11-year-old and placed his severed head outside the gates of his school.

That prompted the country's parliament to lower the age of criminal responsibility from 16 to 14.

Last year a 12-year-old boy in Nagasaki was accused of murdering a four-year-old boy by pushing him off a roof.

The latest incident has shocked Japan's media.

"We must make children understand even more the basic importance of life," the Yomiuri said in an editorial on Wednesday.

Although Japan is still one of the safest developed nations in the world, youth crime has dramatically increased in recent years.

The number of children under 14 committing serious crimes in 2003 rose to 212, a 47% increase on the previous year.

Mitarai's killer, who is too young to be punished under the Penal Code, has been transferred to juvenile detention while her case goes before a family court, the Associated Press said."

So what I can say to all you fuckers is not to take Internet forums posting serious business.

Listed in Technorati under random stupidity

I Guess Everyone is Condemned To Go To Hell

2006-09-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

Well, you know me, the bad-ass priest that kicks ass for the Lord. As much as I try to save people, stupidity is pretty much rampant. And because of this, Jesus Christ called me earlier and told me I should do a month long Holy Week special since its already Holy Week. So since buddy JC asked, I will try to point out some very stupid things in religion.

First stop, I'm gonna say that a lot of Catholics still study to the Old Testament. I say it is stupid. If you go by the Old Testament, everyone is fucking condemned to the blazing, burning, painful Hell.

How is that so? Well, let's check the Leviticus book in the Old Testament. You will see that everyone is very much, got a way ticket to Hell(an another concept that I will discuss soon).

If you check Leviticus 19:19, it will say:
"Keep my statutes: do not breed any of your domestic animals with others of a different species; do not sow a field of yours with two different kinds of seed; and do not put on a garment woven with two different kinds of thread."

Okay, we are eating Fuji Apple(combined the Red Delicious and old Virginia Ralls Gene), people cross-breed dogs, horses and what other shit there may be, and yep, fashion designers makes clothes with two kinds of thread. I guess that condemned a lot of people to hell. Maybe around 900 million?

Okay, how about checking Leviticus 19:27:
"Do not clip your hair at the temples, nor trim the edges of your beard."

I guess that God condemned all the bald people and people with shaved beards to hell.

Or how about this verse Leviticus 19:18:
"Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

I guess all of your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours are also condemned to hell too. But I guess that includes you since your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours thinks you are a fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbour. So, you're going to hell too buddy.

And last but not the least, see Leviticus 19:26:
"Do not eat meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or soothsaying."

Ok, that doesn't sound too bad. But if you ate chicken at any fastfood restaurand, let's say Jollibee, McDonalds, Popeyes, then you probably ate a chicken that is not cooked well because you can see the reddish blood in the bones.

Well, I guess pretty much every one is condemned to hell now.

Originally posted in April

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion

I Guess Our Next Olympic Gold Medal Winner Will Be Piolo Pascual

2006-09-15T02:34:00.000-07:00

You know, I have been seeing a lot of stupidity from television shows today. But the most stupidity I see in televison shows comes from ABS-CBN shows. You want to know why? Well, because when I travel, I ride the bus. And these buses have television sets in them. And what the idiotic thing here is that the dimwit conductor changes the channel to ABS-CBN.

As a result, I am forced to watch idiotic shows from this stupid channel. However, there is a single drama series that irked me the most. The series is called "Sa Piling Mo." In this series, the protagonist is the actor Piolo Pascual and his love interest is Judy Ann Santos. Piolo Pascual here plays the part of a blind athlete. But wait, not just your ordinary blind athlete, a fucking blind swimmer! How asinine is that? Don't you know how much you train a blind person, he has a fucking bad sense of direction. That is why you don't see many blind athletes, especially swimmers, they are just going to swim to the bottom of the pool.

And yet, this dimwit actor Piolo Pascual joined in a swimming competition and won. How idiotic is that? Well, for one reason, if you have a disability, you are fucking disqualified from competiting in sports and you have to join special sports competition for disabled persons. Man, these scriptwriters, directors, heck, let's just say the whole production team of this asinine drama series are big fucking idiots.

That's why I hate TV.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, television, Philippines

I Want to Watch a Toothpaste Commercial, Not a 30 Seconds Airtime of Armpits

2006-09-15T02:32:00.001-07:00

Man, you got to hate these entire idiotic toothpaste commercial these days. These commercials show nothing but fags dancing around like idiots, smiling with their teeth that are painted with white acrylic paint. Well, a lot of them make me want to go on a killing spree, but nothing will prepare you for the abomination of toothpaste commercial of Colgate (an idiotic toothpaste brand) featuring Jay-R.

For the dimwits who don't know Jay-R, he's a faggot of a singer. He does silly dance steps with a face that will make you want to punch him until his teeth are all gone.

But enough about his crap of a career, let's talk about his part in the toothpaste commercial. Here's the fag boy Jay-R in a sleeveless shirt dancing and doing random shit where you can see his armpits and in a few seconds, you will be treated to a close-up of his armpits then go on and on talking about the toothpaste. The first time I saw that fucking commercial, I literally cried. Yes, the most bad ass person on earth (me) cried when I saw that commercial. I cried blood! No amount of alcohol treatment to your eyes will wash away the horror of seeing that faggot's armpits in toothpaste commercial. Shit, I don't know if they just showed a commercial for armpit sniffing or toothpaste commercial.

Hey asshole toothpaste companies, if you are going to make toothpaste commercials, make sure it is all about teeth, not armpits. Well, unless you of course you market toothpaste as armpit deodorant now. Oh well, you are idiots anyway.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, television

The Most Pompous, Arrogant, Idiots Who Think They Are Gods: Popes

2006-09-15T02:08:00.000-07:00

You know, popes of the Catholic church are the most pompous, arrogant, self-serving bastards that they think they are Jesus Christs on Earth. They try to teach about Jesus and his humility, but they aren't the prime examples of it. Okay, let's cut the crap and have a look at the idiot popes, shall we?

First stop, Pope Innocent III:
Pope Innocent III: "He(Pope) judges all and judged by no one."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT MAN! I just cussed in capital letters over that one, well because, as you see Pope Innocent III sees himself as a Messiah-like figure that exempts him from all sins and be like Jesus Christ. From all I know, even the bible states that everyone is sinner, only Jesus Christ is sinless. Moses sinned against the Lord, even David, the Lord's favorite sinned against him. So what makes this pompous asshole thinks he's sinless?

Next stop, Pope Leo XIII:
Pope Leo XIII: "We hold upon this Earth the place of God Almighty."
WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you really think you hold the Earth under Catholic rule? That's really boosting your already bloated ego and assume you are the Earth's Messiah. And yep, you dipshit, how dare you call Earth the place of God Almighty! You know, God is in Heaven, not Earth!

Well, last stop for the day, Pope Boniface VIII:
Pope Boniface VIII said a lot of things, so we'll put it in bullet points.
1. The dead will rise just as little as my horse which died yesterday;
2. Mary, when she bore Christ, was just as little a virgin as my own mother when she gave birth to me;
3. Sex and the satisfaction of natural drives is as little a sin as hand washing;
4. Paradise and hell only exist on earth; the healthy, rich and happy people live in the earthly paradise, the poor and the sick are in the earthly hell;
As you can see, these popes are clearly pompous and arrogant bastards and pretty much they think they are gods and messiahs. Now let's look at the II Thessalonians:

[2 Thessalonians 2]
2:1 Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and [by] our gathering together unto him,
2:2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.
2:3 Let no man deceive you by any means: for [that day shall not come], except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
2:4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God.

Ah... I give up. Popes are just pompous airheads.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion

Holy Shit, we got Narutards here!

2006-09-15T02:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know that you like Naruto (a stupid fucking anime), so, stop bitching about it. All these anime assholes I've met here like Naruto and treat it as the best thing since slice bread.

Seriously, these anime fans are fucking stupid. They watch these shows, make poorly done websites for these poorly done anim?, and fight among also stupid fucking anim? fans about who is the greatest and coolest character of them all.

But wait, there's more, they dress up in fucking costumes to look like the characters in the anim? and act like them. Well I have a message for you idiot, and I broke it down to simple set of formulas:

If Anime = not real

Then Anime = can get away with stupidity and look cool at it

Because You = real person

Then You = look stupid when you try to look like Naruto and try to do Kage-no-Bunshin

But yeah, Anime Otakus are still stupid even after reading this and still bitch about Naruto being the greatest anim? of all time.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, anime

Infinite Crisis on Your Fucking Wallet

2006-09-15T01:56:00.000-07:00

More than twenty years and counting, nonsense has filled comics in an attempt to get cash from readers. For around twenty years and more, these comic publishers have been dishing out crap to people over and over again.

Why don’t these publishers finish up these stories anyway? X-Men started way before I was born (1963) and it is still around. Not to mention that it went to around a lot of reformatting just to keep its old age showing. We got X-Men, Uncanny X-Men, X-Men: Age of Apocalypse, X-Men Evolution and other shit. If that wasn't recycled enough, I don't know what is. But you got to admit, their Hindu motif is awesome, because X-Men is revived more times than a cat.

And you also got these dipshits who keep messing around with the characters and storyline. Just look at Spiderman. First it was long established in comic storyline continuity that Mary Jane is his girlfriend. But wait, now enters Gwen Stacy. Oh wait, Black Cat tries to seduce Spiderman. And now in the crap-filled Ultimate Spiderman, he is dating Shadowcat. And don't get me started with Cable. His own continuity is so fucking messed up; no "Back to the Future" movie can get it fixed.

Okay, you will say "But wait Derick, DC tried to patch up mangled storyline continuity with the Crisis comics." Way to go chump. Apparently, which "Crisis" is it? We have the Crisis on Multiple Earths, Identity Crisis and whatever Crisis you can shake a stick at. And you bet DC is really trying to confuse you with similar sounding series. And while it is trying to tie all things together, it only fucked the whole DC storyline continuity up in the ass over and over again. But wait, DC is not yet finished fucking your ass; they are going to do it again with another Crisis series again with resetting all the past Crisis series that you already read. Given that a comic book issue costs 2.5 dollars, by the time the whole fucked-up storyline is finished, you already spent 250 dollars or more. If you're still enjoying the Crisis, you are masochistic by nature.

The way I see it, the only purpose of these gimmicks of this dipshits we call comic book publishers is to get money from your wallet. I guess they are Red Cross in disguise, because you need to sell your blood and liver to buy these comics.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comics

Yo Stupid, You Wonder why Bad Games still Exist?

2006-09-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

Man, people are stupid. People keep complaining about bad games but still buy them. These people don't know that they are promoting these stupid companies to keep publishing games that is no better than my shit.

And you are going to argue: "Hey Derick, that game was released by Square Enix, so it must be good." I'm going to say to you: "Hey stupid, don't you know that the game was only released by Square Enix, but it was made by a stupid company Cavia?"

Seriously, all these stupid people can't tell the difference between developer and publisher. Okay stupid, I'm going to be kind to you and explain it in a simple way about the relationship of the developer and publisher. If you don't understand it, you lost my respect.

Developer: One that makes the games. The more unknown the developer, the more shitty their game is going to be.

Publisher: The asshole that tries to put the shitty games from the shitty developers into the market.

Take a look at these examples: Drakengard, Beatdown: Fist of Vengeance and Drakengard 2

Drakengard

Developer: Cavia (a stupid company that makes shitty games)

Publisher: Square Enix (the stupid company that Cavia fooled into publishing their game)

Beatdown: Fist of Vengeance

Developer: Cavia (the fucking company that didn't learn from the shit game called Drakengard)

Publisher: Capcom (the idiot company that didn't learn from the mistake Square Enix made)

Drakengard 2

Developer: Cavia (when will this stupid company will ever learn?)

Publisher: Ubisoft (Thank you asshole, for bringing again another shitty game from Cavia)

Do I need to explain to all of you any further? Do not buy games that are made by shitty developers, even if it is released by famous publishers. You are only encouraging them to make more shitty games.

But then again, people are too stupid.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, games

MTRCB Needs to Shut Up, Their Children are Looking at Their Porn Collection

2006-09-15T01:27:00.000-07:00

Philippines' MTRCB (Movie and Television Classification Board) needs to shut up. This fucking board censors every fucking movie and television show. They censor the good parts of a movie or television show like violence and sex and they replace it with kid stuff. They say they are doing it for the good of mankind. Hey twerps, I say sex and violence are good for me, so there is no fucking need to censor it.

The stupid thing about this MTRCB is that they are so stupid that they don’t know that they are fucking stupid. They try to censor everything they find “offensive” and replace it with stuff that only pass as crap. What the stupid twerps don’t know is that the generation today is desensitized with all the violence and sex.

8 year old fucking shrimps are looking at porn so much, they don’t care anymore. Show them pictures of nude females and they will go like “Oh nude female. Ho hum. What’s new?” Children are going into internet cafes and play Counterstrike or Doom3 or Ragnarok online all day that they are desensitized to violence.

MTRCB is so idiotic and stupid that they banned kick-ass movies from being shown here in the Philippines. Kick-ass movies like Schindler’s list or The Piano was banned due to the stupidity of MTRCB.

So why the hell MTRCB likes to keep pissing us off by censoring violence and sex in movies and television shows? Because they want people still be stupid for many years to come. Apparently, with the advent of rabid idiotic Christian assholes that tries condemning sex and violence in television and movies that applauds MTRCB, MTRCB is doing a good job on keeping people stupid.

Listed in Technorati under humor, politics, Philippines

The World Would be A Better Place If Everybody Renounce Violence

2006-09-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes I think the world would be a better place if everybody renounce violence. That would give me the chance to take over the world with a water gun.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy

Buddhism Explained in Ways That Dolts Can Understand

2006-09-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, first things first, Siddhartha Gautama is not Chinese. Buddhism didn't came from China! Buddhism is not what you see about flying, crazed kungfu monks. Now that I have released my anger, it is time to explain to you Buddhism in the simplest way.

Buddhism is pretty much revolves around 4 absolute truths that applies to everyone and the 8 paths to holiness or enlightenment.

I haven't lost you? Good...

Okay for the 4 most important parts in Buddhism which are the absolute truths:

1. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag!
2. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things.
3. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But you can reach enlightenment.
4. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But it can be avoided by doing the eightfold path in order to reach enlightenment.

So, in order for life to be unfair in your favor, you need to follow the eightfold path to enlightenment which are:
1. Correct views: It means don't be a dumbass.
2. Correct intentions: Once you're smart, try to do the right thing.
3. Correct speech: Tell things like it is. Just like I do, I tell things like it is because you're too stupid to understand anything else.
4. Correct action: Just do it!
5. Correct livelihood: Be a righteous person.
6. Correct effort: Your life is not served in a silver platter, so get your rear in gear and work!
7. Correct mental state: This pretty much says that you need to be bad-ass and see things as what they are.
8. Correct concentration: Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate! And oh yeah, concentrate.

So, yep, that's pretty much Buddhism is all about. Okay, I know you probably dumbfounded and want to ask about kungfu monks and those high-flying martial artists with pressure points attack? Well, there are none of them, dipshit! That's just the result of Chinese raping Buddhism in the ass.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion

73 Already Dead, You Insensitive Prick

2006-09-15T01:14:00.000-07:00

Ok this incident happened today, February 5, 2006. A popular tv show called "Wowowee" that airs in local television. Apparently, this show is celebrating its one-year anniversary today. So it will be celebrating its anniversary in the "Ultra" Dome Staduim located in Pasig.

To cut a long story short, a stampede happened around 7:30 A.M. and a grand total of 73 died and hundreds injured. Television networks have been broadcasting the news about this tragedy left and right.

But, in the midst of this tragedy, while a reporter interviews a person regarding the incident, you can see three to five people smiling and waving to the camera in the background along with the dead victims of the stampede. Way to go insensitive cur, you ruin the moment by being a prick and not realize the situation around you.

And fast forward to twelve noon, people that are still inside the "Ultra" Dome Stadium are cheering and everything when they saw the "Wowowee" host on stage. When the host announced that the show will be canceled, you pricks still want the show to go on. Great! It is so selfish of you prick. It is so great of you to be insensitive to try to celebrate your favorite show while a lot of people just died right outside of the stadium you are in.

But then again, you are all stupid anyway to watch this show that makes prostitutes charity.

(Note: To all slowpokes who don’t know anything about this tragedy, for the love of God, search it in the internet. The search subject would be “Wowowee”)

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, Philippines

Yo Pervert, And You Keep Wondering Why Your Female Colleague Quit

2006-09-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

Hey pervert, you always keep asking me why the only female in our team quit. Well, I will tell you why dimwit, it is because of you and your perverseness, asshole.

Every single day you just have to harass with lame sex jokes your female colleague, which happens to share the same cubicle with you. Every fucking day you have to bring your perverted adult magazines and read it in front of her instead of doing your fucking job. Every single day you have to view your lesbian hardcore porn in your computer played in Windows Media Player with full window view so even she can see it. But wait, other colleagues can see it too, asshole.

Ever heard of shame, dimwit? Not only you waste the fucking company's resources for downloading and watching porn in the company's computer (yes, dipshit. It is the company's computer, not fucking yours), but you also broadcast it so your female cubicle mate will see it too.

I Don't Fucking Understand Anime Women

2006-09-15T00:43:00.000-07:00

If there is any mystery left in the world that yet have to be unveiled, I say we need to unveil the mysteries of anime women. Because there is no way in hell I freaking understand them one bit.

Yes, I came to that conclusion because my loyal battle monkey let me play his collection of hentai games. He lent me his most beloved game: Tsukushite Agechau 4.

I knew that something will be wrong. From the look of the cover itself, to the uncanny grin of my loyal battle monkey while he handed me this game cd. I know I will be going to one hell trip to insanity, inanity, and stupidity.

The hentai game focuses on Koji Aoyama, a loser high school student that was run over a speeding truck, that miraculously survived, sent to the hospital, spent a lot time moping about death, and yeah fucked a doctor too (literaly). And top of that, he has four girls fawning over him. Yeah, Koji is pretty much a loser in this game.

There are four schizophrenic girls, ranging from the idiot Himeko, the stupid Shizuku, the deranged Takano and the lunatic Leo, which are all childhood friends of Koji, are also going to live in his uncle’s house, and all of them are going to work together at his restaurant. And take note, these four girls all like him, and they will fight to the death to who will grab him as her prize. This is where the path to insanity lies.

To cut a long trip to hell and insanity short, we'll just tackle one of the crazy girls in this crazy game. Why, it is no other than the deranged Takano. I let Koji choose her, because she seems to be the least insane of the group. Boy, I was fucking wrong.

Anyway, since I am a bad-ass priest, I will just jump to the most important points of the game, because otherwise, you will become stupid too, if I tell you in details what insanity you will face in Tsukushite Agechau 4.

At first, she showed a genuine affection to Koji. Okay, it starts mild enough.

But that is where it will hit you when you least expect it. After a few minutes of fucking mushy dialog, the trip to insanity begins. The girls begin to one-upping each other by endless flirting and getting all horny to Koji.

After many hilarities and insane encounters, like naked girls giving him a bath and the girls parading around Koji wearing nohting but skimpy lingerie; Koji finally thinks that Takano likes him.

No shit Sherlock! I think you hit the jackpot! You just figured it out? I mean after all the hints given to you by Takano herself and your stupid uncle keeps saying to you that all of your childhood friends likes you, you just figured it out? I guess it is not just the girls are insane here, I say the hero in this story too is insane.

And then, she became flirtatious and tried to hit on Koji. Since Koji is pretty much a loser and doesn't know how to score with the ladies, he ask if there is something wrong with Takano.

You bet Koji, there is something definitely wrong with her. Just look at her, she is drawn in awful proportions, her neck is too long and thin. Her hair is too long for comfort, just how long she does shampoo her hair anyway? And her hair, it is silver! No matter how much I try to figure it out, I never found a real girl who's hair is silver. Your guess is as good as mine, She's a freaking alien!

And then she apparently try to seduce Koji by wearing nothing but apron with strawberries in thier mouths combo, which of course, I'll censor the image for you. Because, I know that you all are viewing my blog in your work. So if there is anything that could cost you your job, don't let it be this one. It is not even worth it.

But what is the craziest thing here is they are pretty much seducing Koji with alluring looks and gives you a puzzled look? What the fuck? The nerve of these girls.
They dress only in apron seducing Koji but they are puzzled because they don't know what they are doing? Man, I don't understand 2D women.

And so Koji here face the ultimate dilemma of all losers in existence, how to compliment a deranged girl.

Yeah Koji, I guess we'll try to choose hint here. Because I need to know what the fuck is going on in thier demented minds.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, anime, hentai

You're not Kenshin Himura, Stop being Stupid

2006-09-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

There was this club in college that I tried to join for I thought that it is a good art club. Hell, I was wrong; I was stupid at that moment. I was so wrong. What I joined was not an art club; it was a freaking anim? freaks club!

Instead of teaching its member on how to draw well and do some great art, all members except for me, are raving lunatics discussing the next episode of the latest anim? and shit like that.

But what amazes me is the idiot who thinks he's Kenshin Himura (if you are an idiot not to know this character, he's the lead character in a comic series Rurouni Kenshin). He brings his stupid made-up sword (it is not the bokken, just a wooden made-up sword), and he's practicing his swinging slashes right for everyone to see (Yep, our club cubicle right by the university hallway). Holy shit! Whatever stuff this idiotic (former) club mate of mine is smoking, I would like to have some of that stuff. Because it really makes you lose grasp of reality and do stupid shit like that and not be embarrassed about it.

Because of his stupid antic, now the art club I joined was labeled by ordinary people (the ones that are not raving lunatic about anim?) as a stupid club made up by anim? otaku freaks. Great job you dipshit.

We are now forever labeled as freaks because of your stupidity.

Now that I finally got out of college, if I ever saw you in public again, doing some Kenshin imitation or whatever shit you are doing, I am going to make your nose bleed.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, anime

This What Fucking Happens When You Allow Gay Marriages !

2006-09-15T00:25:00.001-07:00

link to article:

Pedophiles here! Contrary to what you will think, very work safe

excerpt from the article

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch pedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child pornography and sex with animals.

"A ban just makes children curious," Ad van den Berg, one of the party's founders, told the Algemeen Dagblad (AD) newspaper.

The Netherlands already has liberal policies on soft drugs, prostitution, and gay marriage, but the NVD is unlikely to win much support, the AD quoted experts as saying.

My God! You sick fucks! This what happens when you dipshits go and allow gay marriages! I say no more comment is needed. Europeans are sick fucks. Well, next to Americans because it allowed kiddie cartoon porn (see my past post about this one, you lazy ass).

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, politics

It Sucks to Be the President of the Philippines

2006-09-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

If you have been paying attention to current events these days, you may empathize with the current President of the Philippines. She battles stupidity all day long. Here is a list of the stupid things she has to battle everyday.

* People who call for her resignation for... well, being the President of the Philippines.

* People don't know what they are rallying about.

* Idiots who blame the President for their misfortune.

* Fresh graduates that really doesn't have any skills and talents appropriate for work that couldn't find a job blame the President for not doing anything in order to give them jobs. (fuckers!)

* Senators who think they're in Saturday Night Live Show. Maybe that's why they are so goddamn funny!

* People who call for her help for things that don't call for national concern (IE. A police gunned down a child. The victim calls for the President's help. He Should have asked for the Mayor's help first. What an idiot.)

* People asking for her to comment on things that are not even a national issue (Remember the issue about the Skank Kris Aquino and the idiot Joey Marquez? The fucking channel GMA-7 tried to press her for a comment. Big fucking idiots. It's an asinine showbiz issue dolts!)

* Satirists call for her resignation because, well, she makes them extinct.

* Fucking assholes who rally against American Imperialism but they have shallow patriotism. (an issue which I will discuss in the future.)

* Dolts that are calling for an honest government but they are not even honest themselves.

* Priests and nuns who want to jump in the bandwagon and call for her resignation (Hey dickheads! Didn't Jesus told you that give Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and give God what belongs to God? Don't know what the fuck that sentence means? It means don't ever fucking meddle with state affairs dipshit!)

* Makati Business Club calling for resignation because they say she is not honest and cannot run a government ethically (compared to these fucking companies that evade tax, don't use legal software, hire children, bribe government officials, make employment contracts so fucking confusing that employees don't even know they are being raped in the ass by these companies and etc., do I need to state more?)

* Former President Aquino calling for her resignation because of harsh dispersal of
rallies and protests. Hey Former President Aquino! Yeah you asswipe, did you smoke weed or anything? Because it is sure some strong stuff it makes you forget all the atrocities your administration have done. Apparently, there's an incident during your term as President called 'Mendiola Massacre' where 13 were killed and hundreds are gravely injured.

* Most of all, Miriam Santiago! Do I need to say more about her?

Well, there are many more I am sure that cause the President of the Philippines too much migraine but I listed the obvious reasons why it sucks to be the President of the Philippines.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, Philippines, politics

Jamby Madrigal is a Big Blabbering Vagina

2006-09-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes its really good to watch Senate sessions. It is really more entertaining than watching asinine "fantaseryes", "teledrama", "comedyseryes", "reality television", and any other fucking "serye" that these idiotic television networks can think of. For those who idiots that don't know what the fuck is going on, read the article below in order to know what the ruckus is all about.

The whole story

full story quote:
Drama in the Senate
spacer
Jamby, Enrile argue over who benefitted from Martial Law

By JUDE C. GALFORD III

Unable to hold her emotions, Senator Jamby Madrigal unabashedly wept at the Senate Session Hall yesterday, after it was insinuated by a veteran lawmaker that her family benefitted during the Martial Law years.

The ‘’tearful’’ episode came after Senators Juan Ponce Enrile and Madrigal engaged in an heated word-war after Enrile remarked that the Madrigals enjoyed the company of the Marcoses during the ‘’iron rule.’’

Earlier at the Session Hall, Madrigal gave a fiery speech decrying earlier insinuations purportedly made by Enrile that she was a ‘’purveyor of lies."

Madrigal scored Enrile over accounts that the veteran lawmaker allegedly staged his own ambush in the early 70’s, to spark the legitimization of an almost 13-year military rule in the country.

Feeling insulted by Madrigal’s remarks, Enrile took the Senate podium, armed with his own version of the Martial Law story and claiming the Madrigals were beneficiaries, rather than victims, of the military regime.

"I remember a certain Mr. Antonio Madrigal and Amanda Madrigal enjoying the Martial Law years in Malacanang, those days when they were partying with the Marcoses, including her uncle, the husband of her aunt, Chito Madrigal. I would like to know whether she’s related to these people," Enrile said.

With these words, Madrigal succumbed to her emotion. Her last straw of passion only allowed her to plead to the Senate leadership to strike from its records the remarks made by Enrile.

Some senators then rushed to comfort the crying Madrigal whose theatrics briefly halted the Upper House’s session.

Enrile later said the lady-senator was just being emotional.

Madrigal, on the other hand, abandoned the proceedings as she darted out of the hall.

Her parting words: "History will show who benefitted from martial law."

All I can say is Juan Ponce Enrile = 1 Jamby Madrigal = 0.

I can tell you that the idiot Madrigal is one big fucking weenie. If she can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Weenies are not needed in the Philippines. She goes out and out attacking and
when she was attacked, she takes it personally. Boo-fucking-hoo. Cry me a river asshole.

I guess here award-winning performance in the Senate comes from none other than the queen of fucking teledrama, Judy Ann Santos. For those who don't know Judy Ann Santos, she is a big fucking excuse for an actress that cries a river whenever she's on camera. When the scene of a show is dramatic, she cries; when the scene is funny, she cries; when the scene is action-packed, she cries; but more details on Judy Ann Santos for another rant.

I came up with the conclusion that the idiot Jamby Madrigal learned her award-winning performance from Judy Ann Santos, well of course, Judy Ann Santos was endorsing Jamby Madrigal. She was like her spokeperson. That is why the big blabbering vagina cries like Judy Ann Santos.

As Maddox would put it, I suggest to Jamby Madrigal is to change her fucking shampoo to Johnson with its no more tears formula.

God, I am so fucking funny.

Listed in Technorati under politics, satire, Philippines

How to Make an Idiotic Song Popular

2006-09-14T21:52:00.001-07:00

Man, I hate radio and music today. Every time that I turn on the radio, nothing but noise comes out. Bullshit boybands, craptastic divas and annoying emo rock bands are littering the airwaves today. The most stupid thing here is that even their noise (music to other people, I mean idiots) is really piercing and is destroying everyone’s eardrums, their music is popular.

Now, since I wonder how these fucking crap litter the airwaves, I did some investigation on how these stinking turd they call music became popular. And for you idiots, I broke it down in simple pointers on how these stupid idiots made their crap popular:

Note(combination or these elements or putting all of these elements will determine how much their crap will be popular)

・ Put any of these words in the lyrics: “oooh”, “yeah”, “baby”, “wooah”

・ Must have a diva or boy band sing the fucking song

・ The chorus must be repeated a fucking thousand times till your ears bleed

・ Pay the stupid radio station to play the idiotic song a thousand times every single day

・ Create a fucking hype about how the song is popular to create a bandwagon effect

・ If the song is not yet charting the Top 1 of the daily best songs, the people does not hate the song, they have not heard it enough

It is really amazing how idiotic shits keep churning out crap like this. It is a shame really. But then again, these bastards have no shame and idiots will keep listening to their crap.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, music, comedy

Sick Filipino Politicians Have Twisted Priorities

2006-09-14T21:47:00.001-07:00

Link to the article:here

From INQ7.net

A DAY after the city council of Manila passed a resolution prohibiting the showing of “The Da Vinci Code,” a congressman from the city now wants the controversial film banned nationwide.

Representative Bienvenido Abante Jr. of Manila’s 6th District also called for the resignation of Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB) chairperson Ma. Consoliza Laguardia for allowing the film, classified as R-18 (for adults only), to be shown.

First things first, the movie "The Da Vinci Code" is given a R-18 rating here in the Philippines.

Okay, what I can say is that, the Philippines have already enough problems about poverty, environment, political stability, economic situation, crime, budget deficit, overpopulation, terrorism, rebels, oil and yet, here we got Filipino politicians banning a movie because it offends the Catholic church.

Man, Filipino politicians have sick and twisted priorities. They ignore every important issues that the country is facing today and they list this one fucking lame-ass attack on the Catholic church movie as a high priority? Man, these idiots can't separate fact from fiction!

These politicians are the same politicians that didn't even try to ban more immoral porn movies like "Patikim ng pinya" (Let me taste some Pineapple[Yeah, I'm not kidding, that's the title]), but instead they try to ban "The Da Vinci Code"?

But then again, even if they ban the movie, there will be no harm done. Well, because stupid and idiotic Filipinos will buy the pirated DVD version of the movie in Quiapo. Ha ha. I crack me up.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion, movies

The Next Time a Beggar Comes to Me, I'm Going to Give him Condoms

2006-09-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Seriously, starting today, every beggar that comes to me begging for alms, I'm going to give him a condom.

Look at these beggars, they have the nerve to fuck and breed like rabbits and then come to me begging for alms. These idiots don't deserve money, they deserve condoms.

These idiots like to make a lot of children, then have trouble bringing these little fuckers, then blame the fucking government for not helping them. Good work Sherlock Holmes! You make your own problems by making a lot of children, and then when you have problems raising your kids, you are blaming the government for your problems. You win the prestigious Idiot Award.

God, these stupid television networks have to be an asshole and portray these idiots as poor little bastards. Oh, boo hoo, their lives are shit, they're poor, they can't raise their kids and put them in schools. The daily cost of living is too high them. Boy, you got to be a cold-hearted bitch not to pity them. But wait, you going to see that this poor beggar has 12 kids. Oh shit! These fuckers have more children than your average middle-class family.

Can't these beggars have a little common sense? As in more kids is equals to more mouths to feed. Idiots.

Next time beggars come to me begging for alms, I will give them condoms and going to say to them: "Here's a condom. Use it wisely, trust me. You're doing yourself and the humanity a lot of good by using this."

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, random stupidity

Stupid Idiots Who Wear Che Guevarra and Bob Marley T-Shirts Should Be Shot

2006-09-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

You know, all stupid idiots that wear Che Guevarra and Bob Marley T-shirts should be shot and make them do some deep-sea-diving in the Pasig River with concrete shoes.

These idiots are far worse than Anime idiot otakus listening to Jpop songs that have no idea what the Japanese lyrics mean. The Anime otakus at least have an excuse not knowing Japanese because it can take years to study Japanese, but these idiots that wear Che Guevarra and Bob Marley T-shirts have no excuse not knowing about these people because they are just a research or a google search away, but no... these idiots are too lazy to look up who are these two people.

Some people try to be a smartass and tell me that Che is a revolutionary, against consumerism, and blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit. That is why they are wearing a shirt with his picture, because they are rebels, revolutionary! Dumbass!

I say that idiots needs to get some facts straight. Che is a big fucking loser. Che made guerilla attempts in Argentina, Bolivia, the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, Haiti, Panama and the African Congo, and failed big time. He only got Cuba, and that is not even threatening enough.

And oh yeah Che Guevarra said this: "The socialist countries have the moral duty of liquidating their tacit complicity with the exploiting countries of the West." That's pretty much saying Che wanted to kill democracy and freedom you enjoy, dipshits. He's a fucking communist!

And the same goes to idiots who idolize Bob Marley. They say that Bob Marley promotes smoking marijuana. Assholes! Rastafarian culture treats marijuana as sacred sacrement.

I say that when you try to be a rebel and going against the mainstream, try not to wear shirts with Bob Marley or Che Guevarra's picture on it, because, well it isn't even fucking original anymore, you're just one of those 5 million idiots who try to be original with unoriginal T-shirt. Great job, dumbass! Next time you want to be a rebel, wear a shirt with my face on it. Now that's bad-ass.

Stupid idiots who wear Che Guevarra and Bob Marley T-Shirts should take a deep sea dive in the Pasig River with concrete shoes.

And yeah, while I am at it, let's include the dumb fucks who wear t-shirts with Mao Tse Tung's face on it.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity

I Donated a Total of $ 60 Million to Charity

2006-09-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

You know, one day when I was reading the news a few years ago, there was an article about an idiot of a singer who wants to go to outer space. Yep, it’s the idiot Justin Timberlake. He’s the fucking idiot member of the stupid band N’Sync. And he wants to go the outer space. Now, rabid fans of him are calling up people to donate at least a dollar to send him to the outer space. Ever since then, I donated a total of $ 60 million in order to send not just Justin Timberlake, but all of the fucking, idiotic boy bands. Yes, that includes Menudo.

But you know I donated a total of $ 60 million not just to send all those fucking idiots to outer space. I donated that kind of money in order to send them to outer space and not have them be sent back. And doing that, I made this world a better place by not having any dipshit and dimwit boy bands.

And so you ask why I hate boy bands? Do you idiots have to even ask? These fucking boy bands are gay. They can’t sing, they can’t even dance, what they can only do is do some pretty faces and poses on screen and girls with IQ of 0 come swooning over them. I will tell you a setup that all boy bands follow.

A generic boy band consists of the following:

* 1 singer that has some singing skills, but still sings like a boy screaming when being circumcised.

* 1 poser or dancer that has decent looking faces in order to draw idiotic and stupid girls in.

* 2 gays

* In any case that the boy band has five or more members, the additional members are gay.

Look at them, look at all the boy bands. These fucking idiots don’t have any fucking skills and talent. Look at N’Sync, did they have a successful solo singing career when they separated? No. Okay, we can take Justin Timberlake into account, but the fucking shrimp still didn’t have a successful singing career. How about the asinine Backstreet Boys? When they broke up, did Nick Carter have a successful career to save his fucking ass from bankruptcy? Hell no! That’s the reason why the Backstreet Boys got together again, so they can earn money by fooling with stupid girls with IQ of 0.

That is why I donated a lot of money in order to send these fucking idiots to outer space. And you should be grateful to me since I am doing this to make the world a better place.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire

Starbucks Blows

2006-09-14T21:24:00.001-07:00

Man, I hate Starbucks. It is not good.

Starbucks is overpriced as well. Only dipshits, stupid, idiots, dolts, curs and asswipes would buy from this exaggerated coffeeshop.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity

No Matter What You Say, Sports Buffs are Still Dorks

2006-09-14T21:23:00.001-07:00

You know in my work, there are groups of douchebags that pose themselves as cool people while they are not. These people call other people as dorks and nerds. Yep, these are the self-proclaimed sports 'buffs'.

One day, while my loyal battle monkey bastichos and I were discussing about music, these douchebags went over to our place and told us we're dorks because we pretty much collect information about music, pop-culture, games and other stuff. And they started laughing thier asses off.

Because I am still in a good mood that day, I gave them a fucking beating of thier lives. I kicked an punched these assholes in the nuts, that thier voice are like stupid, fucking women.

I tell you people, these douchebags are nothing but posers. They claim that people who like anime and games are dorks, dweebs and nerds, but if you think about it, they are dorks, dweebs and nerds themselves.

These douchebags try to look cool to other people by showing that they are interested in sports by collecting useless player statistics, videos of sweaty players grabbing each others ass in a football game, and other shit. I say that is more homoerotic than people playing games.

If you look at it, there is nothing different about sports 'buffs' and gaming and anime dorks. See the comparison below:
Sports 'buffs' = people who collect useless information about players, sports games, tournament schedules, sports cards
Anime nerds or Anime otakus = people who collect useless information about anime, directors, fictional characters, anime series
Gaming dorks = people who collect useless information about games, game publishers, game developers, game artists

So in the end, what I can say to these sports 'buffs' is that they are all douchebags. No matter what they say, sports buffs are still dorks, just like every other dorks.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, sports

We're in the Same Room, so Stop Shouting Dolt!

2006-09-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hey Dickhead, we're in the same room so stop shouting. Why do you have to shout that every time you have to speak? Every time you have to say something, whether it is a question, a statement, an exclamation or random babble, you shout in an ear-shattering voice that makes my blood boil.

Did you even try to speak in a low tone or speak softly? Don't worry about us not hearing you, because we are just one and a half feet away from you dolt. The only one with the hearing impairment is you, because you apparently don't hear that you are already shouting.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work

Hey Dude, I ordered Soft drinks, not a Glass of Ice with Soft drinks

2006-09-14T21:15:00.001-07:00

Every time I buy soft drinks along with my meal from these fucking restaurants, they give me a fucking glass of ice and little to no soft drinks in it. You dimwits, I ordered for a fucking glass of soft drink, not a glass of ice. Get your facts straight, you asswipe. I am always pissed at them when they do this, so every time that these restaurants give me a glass of cold ice with a few drops of soft drinks, I splash the freaking glass on their faces; Serves them right.

Yeah, these scheming bastards use the simple but devious psychology that they put a lot of ice in your drinks because you will think that the ice will keep your drink cold. I think the term here is "diluting drinks." These fucking assholes dilute your drinks by putting around 1/4 to 1/2 of your glass with ice, since ice is virtually free, these assholes save a lot of money by saving around a few ounces of drinks per customer so they can fuck more customers in the ass.

But that's not all, fast-food chains also employs the dirtiest tactics known to man. They put a lot of salt on their lame fries, slice away a bit of the burger patty in order to pile all the sliced bits of patty and make more burger patties and a lot more.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire

Stupid Music Artists are Trying to Stop Music Piracy but Fail at It

2006-09-14T21:11:00.002-07:00

Yep, these posers that call themselves music artists are crying in public telling people that the music industry is losing alot of money because of piracy. Boo hoo hoo, cry me a river assholes. You assholes and dipshits don't even deserve my sympathy.

You assholes and dipshits think you're music artists? I say you are all rip-off artists. In the past few years, you assholes and dipshits have been just remaking, reviving old songs from golden age of rock and pop. It would be good if you could sing, but no, you asswipes have to butcher the song with your pathetic voice and stupid random pose for the camera smile. Great smile asshole! It makes me want to punch your stupid face.

But not only did you revive and remake songs from random singers and music artists, now you dipshits have to revive songs from famous bands from the 90's with your goddamn awful voice. Way to go dipshits, you all sunk to a new low.

But wait, I thought you sunk to the lowest depth of hell by repeated revivals and remakes. No, you have to sink to lower than that, you have to completely rip-off songs from obscure bands from other countries or rip-off songs from music artists from other countries and say these songs were made by you assholes.

But you know dipshits and asswipes, apparently, there are some people have a functioning brain and realize your stupid gimmick. And people now are angry at you because you pulled a lame-ass stunt of ripping off songs. So you dimwits have to make a reason and excuse for the stunt you did. You assholes try to escape the issue by calling it "inspired" by other musicians' songs, or calling the ripping of songs as a stupid "homage" to your favorite musicians. Yeah right, assholes. You assholes did great work on making up excuses. But strip down all your fancy words, the message is still clear: Plagairism. You rip-off songs from other musicians, plain and simple.

Here is a sample list of plagiarized songs and the culprits:

My Sassy Girl theme song = Jimmy Bondoc's "I Believe"

Kobayashi Akiko's "Koi ni Ochite ~ Fall in Love" = Louie Heredia's "Una At Huling Mamahalin"

Utada Hikaru's First Love = made into a Tagalog song by Jessa Zaragosa

"Itoshi no Ellie (Ellie My Love)" = made into a Tagalog song by April Boys

Charade by BeeGees = Hajji Alejandro's "Tag-araw, Tag-ulan"

Chandeliers by The Care = Pinoy Ako of Orange and Lemons

The Housemartins' "Happy Hour" = Orange and Lemons' "A Beginning of Something Wonderful"

The Smith's "The Headmaster Ritual" = Orange and Lemons' "Caught in Line"

Silverchair's "Greatest View = Cueshe's "Stay"

Super Drag's "Garmonbozia" = Session Road's "Leaving you"

Need for me to say more?

So the lesson for the day: Why the hell shouldn't I support piracy when the musicians themselves are not original!

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, music

By General Consensus, Religion is no Longer the Opiate of the Masses

2006-09-14T21:11:00.001-07:00

As of March 22, 2006, 4:53 AM, I tried to knock some sense to idiots and dimwits. I ventured to the insanity of hell and beyond by visiting forums. I went to a Filipino web forum called PinoyExchange (http://www.pinoyexchange.com).

Then, I tried to go to its religion forums where I can kick ass for the Lord by knocking some sense to idiots. But for some strange reasons, I cannot find a dedicated thread for religion. Then, it dawned to me. Religion is not anymore important to Filipinos.

I investigated the whole site and found out that there is a total of 13,645,007 messages posted in the whole PinoyExchange forums, which are broken down to:

Local Movies and TV = 7,956,562 posts
International Movies and TV = 270,636 posts
Anime and Manga = 64,527 posts

Total = 8,291,725 posts

Holy Fuck! That's 60.77% of the whole forum. Karl Marx is very, very wrong. TV is now the opiate of the masses.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, Philippines

Pinoy Big Brother: Teen Edition. More stupidity at its finest

2006-09-14T21:10:00.001-07:00

You know, if there was any better example of faux pas, it would be the quote of the director of the current "reality television" series here in the Philippines; Pinoy Big Brother. Why it's no other Director Lauren Dyogi.

Lauren Dyogi is the director of the reigning(?) "reality television" series Pinoy Big Brother. Well, it seems that since the television station that airs this series (ABS-CBN) owes the Endemol pretty much a lot of money for the license of this series franchise which I think it amounts to around 30 million pesos, Filipino viewers are treated to sick and mundane entertainment three times a day for around I think 3 to 5 years in order to pay Endemol back. And it is just the break-even point. So I guess the people will be treated to stupid entertainment for around 8 years more.

But enough of the talk about Pinoy Big Brother at a whole. What strike me with thier stupidity is that when Lauren Dyogi announced more Pinoy Big Brother with the newest edition, the Pinoy Big Brother: Teen Edition.

Lauren Dyogi was quoted saying:

"PBB is open to everyone. One does not have to be very beautiful or handsome. Personality and sex appeal are more important to us."

What the fuck? Pinoy Big Brother doesn't need beautiful or handsome people, but needs personality and sex appeal? Isn't that a one big fucking contradicition? If it isn't a classic case of open mouth, insert foot then I don't know what is.

Well, I guess Filipinos are gonna be stupid enough to watch this "reality television" series. You know, if I am going to watch "reality," I would stop watching tv, step outside of my fucking home, and watch real people. Man, television sucks.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, television, Philippines

Stupid Chunky Marketing and the Idiots who fall for it

2006-09-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

There's a stupid commercial that is currently being aired in television this days. Yes, a very stupid commercial that is so stupid that only stupid people will fall for it. What I'm talking about is the stupid chunky corned beef commercial with the stupid Boy Abunda in it.

Here's the stupid fag Boy Abunda talking about jackshit about how chunky corned beef is superior to ordinary corned beef. He goes on an on until the end of the commercial. But wait; instead of just the stupid fag Boy Abunda, you also get to see a copy of him in the magic mirror commenting again about the stupid corned beef. If one stupid fag Boy Abunda wasn't enough, you get two of them. Way to go, stupid.

And yeah, Boy Abunda is a big fag and a very bad choice to be the one doing the commercial. His English articulation is so fucking stupid. He can't speak English like a normal person. Every time he speaks English, the faggot has to fucking emphasize each and every syllable of the word he says. Every time he speaks in English, he has to open his fucking mouth in an awful way to pronounce the words. The results? He produces the most ear-shattering blabber you'll ever hear in your life. Man, if I saw him in public, I'm going to punch his fucking mouth.

But wait; check out your local grocery for the chunky corned beef. I made a side-by-side comparison of the ordinary corned beef and this chunky corned beef (both has the same can size) that was shown in the commercial. Holy Shit! The ordinary corned beef has a whopping 200 grams while the chunky corned beef has a dick-flopping 190 grams. That's so fucking great. The chunky corned beef has even less corned beef than the ordinary one. And there's more, the chunky corned beef cost 32 pesos, while the ordinary corned beef cost only 30 pesos. Way to go assholes, you're charging me 2 pesos extra for 10 less grams of corned beef. Whatever the advertisers smoked when they did this commercial, that's some good stuff; because you have to be extremely stupid idiot to fall for it.

Apparently, there are a lot of people that fall for this shitty marketing.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, television

A Very Short List of Filipino Celebrities that I Hate

2006-09-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

It’s everyone. I told you it is a short list.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, movies, television

Hey Idiot! You're Wondering why Your Computer is Full of Viruses

2006-09-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

Like the title suggest, you idiots are always wondering why your computer is always filled with viruses, worms, trojans and adwares.

Well dipshit, I will tell you a secret in order to stop your computer from having viruses, worms, trojan and adwares. Stop looking for porn in the Internet. If you still need to know the reason why, you lost my respect.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, work

Don't Know When You Need to Quit Your Job?

2006-09-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

You don't know when to quit your job? Here are some few questions to ask yourself to take note of, so you can know when you can give your two weeks notice and give your boss the finger:

1. Do you only earn minimum wage?

2. Is your boss an asshole?

3. Are you being supervised by your colleague?

4. You don't even know the Mission and Vision Statement of the company?

5. Are you working more than 8 hours?

6. Are you working in a call center?

7. Do you get contradicting orders from the management?

8. Do you feel you're like Dilbert?

9. Do you think that the only thing that motivates you to go to work is your salary?

10. Do you work in a cubicle?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then do I need to spell it out for you dimwit? Don't hesitate for a minute. Quit your fucking job now and be a bum. I tell you, it will do you a lot of good.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work

Job Hunting Tips for idiots

2006-09-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal servants, this is your bad-ass priest Derick here. If you notice, we are now in the middle of the job-hunting season. If you wanna know, the annual job-hunting season starts in June and ends in December. This is the season when people act like Neanderthal cavemen who compete with each other to hunt the best job that is high-paying, low-stress and idiotic bosses to make fun of.

However, this is also the season when virgin, naive, doe-eyed fresh graduates from university comes out of their parents basement and look for work, probably because their parents kicked their deadbeat ass out of the house. This is the primary victim of scrupulous companies who will suck blood out of these fresh and naive graduates. Most of these evil companies posts classified ads with some-what harmless buzzwords, but there are overall evil intentions lurking in these buzzwords.

And I Derick, your bad-ass priest presents you the most common and popular job-ads buzzwords that evil companies uses. Try your best to not to apply at them.

"Able to work in a fast-paced environment": This means that things don't go along as they were planned in this company. This
means that the company expect you to do everything at the last minute.

"Able to multitask": This means that the company expect you to roleplay without actually costume playing. You play the role of
secretary, janitor, reception, office clerk, accountant all at the same time. To cut things short, the company
expects you to do a lot of things poorly, than one thing really well.

"Detail-oriented": This means the company is anal-retentive. Be sure to wear face masks when showing your work to your boss.
Because his/her spit will fly when nitpicking your work. Make one mistake, you'll get chewed out.

"Team Player": The company expects you to like everything what they like, even though you hate it with your guts, because that is what a team player" is being all about.

"Able to work under minimum supervision": This means the management is like David Copperfield, they disappear when you need
them. Companies that post classified ads with this kind of requirement likes to play hooky, hoping that workers
will pick up the slack and mess while they are away playing golf.

"Self-motivated": This needs no explanation, really. The management expects you to work extra hard, motivated by something
else other than the tiny salary.

Okay, with that out of the way, here are my tips in order for you to find a job, you deadbeat asshole.

* Your resume should not be a "one-size-fits-all" resume.

* You should not post your online resume on Jobstreet, Jobsdb or what ever online job boards and wait for employers to contact you.

* Your resume should not be a shotgun. Meaning, don't just apply to whatever company you fancy. Your thinking of finding a job is by applying for as many companies is stupid.

* Know the Job Search Domino Effect:

1. Marketing Preparation
2. Dynamic Cover Letter
3. Excellent Resume
4. Strong Interviewing Skills
5. Timely Follow-up

With these tips that I gave you, you can surely avoid all those evil companies out to suck your blood and land the job of your dreams, well, unless you screw it up halfway there.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work

Hey Dork, You Are Not Japanese, Stop Playing J-Pop Songs

2006-09-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

You know, there's always a dork wherever I go. Coffeeshops, hotels, buses, malls and even in work; there is always a dork that always play J-Pop songs. Hell, it would be tolerable if he at least played these a few times in a week. But no, he/she has to be a dork and play it over and over again. On top of that, he/she plays stupid fucking anim? songs.

So being the merciful bad ass person I am, I walked to the dork and had a conversation with them. The coversation went as follows:

Me: "Hey, that's a nice song you got there"

Dorks: "Yup, that's the latest song from Puffy Yumi"

Me: "Ah, great. Do you understand the lyrics?"

Dorks: "No, but they sound cool!"

Oh yeah, he had it coming. I gave the ass kicking that they fucking need. By the time, I'm through with the assholes; they need plastic surgery to have a face again. At least they can have a plastic surgery; maybe they can ask their surgeons to give them a Japanese look.

So, the moral lesson for today is if you are not Japanese and do not understand Japanese, please stop being stupid and turn off your J-Pop Music.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, anime, music