Philippines Ban Contact Between Men and Women

Subic, Philippines - It all started with 'Nicole'.  'Nicole' was the victim of the famous Subic rape case victim. And when the exchange forces from America came to Subic for military exercises, 'Nicole' and her group of clueless whiners gathered at the port protesting the entry of American forces in the Philippines.

'Nicole', a court-appointed pseudonym, also appealed to the government not to allow more visits by American war vessels “to prevent the rape of more Filipinas by American soldiers.” The Palace seems to be pressured by their protest since 'Nicole' is backed by big-named idiots that hold positions in the government and by moralistic Christians who whine a lot. Media also backs 'Nicole', since her story sell their newspaper a lot and tv ratings rises whenever any update on this issue comes up.

However, critics are quick to criticize 'Nicole', since her statement made it seem that it is really worse to be raped by an American compared to a Filipino or by any other rapist
with a different nationality. 

In that case, 'Nicole' replied: "Although it is much better to be raped by our own countrymen compared to foreigners, we must not stop here! We must stop all contact between men and
women here in the Philippines in order to avoid rape."

Because all people, including the Christian moralists, Media men, politicians, injected the issue
 with needless politics and ranting and whining, Congress today have approved a law called 
"Nicole Law"

This law prohibits any contact by any man to a Filipino woman, regardless of his nationality in order to prevent the rape of Filipina women by men, regardless of their nationality.

Women Are Far More Evil Than Hitler!

As you know, Bad-Ass priest Derick absolutely hates Filipino television shows. And I gotta agree with him. Filipino television shows these days are nothing but uninspired. They are nothing but cookie-cutter stories with stereotypical characters with typical plot-twists with lame ending. All of them are lame.

From Marina to Panday to Mulawin to Super Inggo, all of the Filipino television shows are nothing more than brainless entertainment. However, what is more aggravating is that all the women in Filipino television shows are scheming, conniving, manipulative, controlling, scary, and evil bitches. They are far worse even than Hitler himself.

You probably want to know why these women are worse than Hitler. Well, if you are familiar or watched at least one tv series made in the Philippines, you will see that there is no male villain in any of the shows. All of the villains in these shows are women, and scheming too. The female villains in Filipino tv series are so evil and good at making elaborate blackmailing schemes.

These women are not just good at making elaborate evil schemes, but they are also good at giving menacing looks. They also team up with other female villains to gang up on a person, just only to backstab each other at the end. And even if there are male villains in the tv series, they are really just working for their evil female boss.

So join me and Derick to vanquish all these uninspired crap from Filipino television shows before we are totally overrun by scheming, conniving, manipulative, controlling, scary, and evil bitches that are far worse than Hitler himself.

I Guess Our Next Olympic Gold Medal Winner Will Be Piolo Pascual

You know, I have been seeing a lot of stupidity from television shows today. But the most stupidity I see in televison shows comes from ABS-CBN shows. You want to know why? Well, because when I travel, I ride the bus. And these buses have television sets in them. And what the idiotic thing here is that the dimwit conductor changes the channel to ABS-CBN.

As a result, I am forced to watch idiotic shows from this stupid channel. However, there is a single drama series that irked me the most. The series is called "Sa Piling Mo." In this series, the protagonist is the actor Piolo Pascual and his love interest is Judy Ann Santos. Piolo Pascual here plays the part of a blind athlete. But wait, not just your ordinary blind athlete, a fucking blind swimmer! How asinine is that? Don't you know how much you train a blind person, he has a fucking bad sense of direction. That is why you don't see many blind athletes, especially swimmers, they are just going to swim to the bottom of the pool.

And yet, this dimwit actor Piolo Pascual joined in a swimming competition and won. How idiotic is that? Well, for one reason, if you have a disability, you are fucking disqualified from competiting in sports and you have to join special sports competition for disabled persons. Man, these scriptwriters, directors, heck, let's just say the whole production team of this asinine drama series are big fucking idiots.

That's why I hate TV.

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I Want to Watch a Toothpaste Commercial, Not a 30 Seconds Airtime of Armpits

Man, you got to hate these entire idiotic toothpaste commercial these days. These commercials show nothing but fags dancing around like idiots, smiling with their teeth that are painted with white acrylic paint. Well, a lot of them make me want to go on a killing spree, but nothing will prepare you for the abomination of toothpaste commercial of Colgate (an idiotic toothpaste brand) featuring Jay-R.

For the dimwits who don't know Jay-R, he's a faggot of a singer. He does silly dance steps with a face that will make you want to punch him until his teeth are all gone.

But enough about his crap of a career, let's talk about his part in the toothpaste commercial. Here's the fag boy Jay-R in a sleeveless shirt dancing and doing random shit where you can see his armpits and in a few seconds, you will be treated to a close-up of his armpits then go on and on talking about the toothpaste. The first time I saw that fucking commercial, I literally cried. Yes, the most bad ass person on earth (me) cried when I saw that commercial. I cried blood! No amount of alcohol treatment to your eyes will wash away the horror of seeing that faggot's armpits in toothpaste commercial. Shit, I don't know if they just showed a commercial for armpit sniffing or toothpaste commercial.

Hey asshole toothpaste companies, if you are going to make toothpaste commercials, make sure it is all about teeth, not armpits. Well, unless you of course you market toothpaste as armpit deodorant now. Oh well, you are idiots anyway.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, television

MTRCB Needs to Shut Up, Their Children are Looking at Their Porn Collection

Philippines' MTRCB (Movie and Television Classification Board) needs to shut up. This fucking board censors every fucking movie and television show. They censor the good parts of a movie or television show like violence and sex and they replace it with kid stuff. They say they are doing it for the good of mankind. Hey twerps, I say sex and violence are good for me, so there is no fucking need to censor it.

The stupid thing about this MTRCB is that they are so stupid that they don’t know that they are fucking stupid. They try to censor everything they find “offensive” and replace it with stuff that only pass as crap. What the stupid twerps don’t know is that the generation today is desensitized with all the violence and sex.

8 year old fucking shrimps are looking at porn so much, they don’t care anymore. Show them pictures of nude females and they will go like “Oh nude female. Ho hum. What’s new?” Children are going into internet cafes and play Counterstrike or Doom3 or Ragnarok online all day that they are desensitized to violence.

MTRCB is so idiotic and stupid that they banned kick-ass movies from being shown here in the Philippines. Kick-ass movies like Schindler’s list or The Piano was banned due to the stupidity of MTRCB.

So why the hell MTRCB likes to keep pissing us off by censoring violence and sex in movies and television shows? Because they want people still be stupid for many years to come. Apparently, with the advent of rabid idiotic Christian assholes that tries condemning sex and violence in television and movies that applauds MTRCB, MTRCB is doing a good job on keeping people stupid.

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73 Already Dead, You Insensitive Prick

Ok this incident happened today, February 5, 2006. A popular tv show called "Wowowee" that airs in local television. Apparently, this show is celebrating its one-year anniversary today. So it will be celebrating its anniversary in the "Ultra" Dome Staduim located in Pasig.

To cut a long story short, a stampede happened around 7:30 A.M. and a grand total of 73 died and hundreds injured. Television networks have been broadcasting the news about this tragedy left and right.

But, in the midst of this tragedy, while a reporter interviews a person regarding the incident, you can see three to five people smiling and waving to the camera in the background along with the dead victims of the stampede. Way to go insensitive cur, you ruin the moment by being a prick and not realize the situation around you.

And fast forward to twelve noon, people that are still inside the "Ultra" Dome Stadium are cheering and everything when they saw the "Wowowee" host on stage. When the host announced that the show will be canceled, you pricks still want the show to go on. Great! It is so selfish of you prick. It is so great of you to be insensitive to try to celebrate your favorite show while a lot of people just died right outside of the stadium you are in.

But then again, you are all stupid anyway to watch this show that makes prostitutes charity.

(Note: To all slowpokes who don’t know anything about this tragedy, for the love of God, search it in the internet. The search subject would be “Wowowee”)

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It Sucks to Be the President of the Philippines

If you have been paying attention to current events these days, you may empathize with the current President of the Philippines. She battles stupidity all day long. Here is a list of the stupid things she has to battle everyday.

* People who call for her resignation for... well, being the President of the Philippines.

* People don't know what they are rallying about.

* Idiots who blame the President for their misfortune.

* Fresh graduates that really doesn't have any skills and talents appropriate for work that couldn't find a job blame the President for not doing anything in order to give them jobs. (fuckers!)

* Senators who think they're in Saturday Night Live Show. Maybe that's why they are so goddamn funny!

* People who call for her help for things that don't call for national concern (IE. A police gunned down a child. The victim calls for the President's help. He Should have asked for the Mayor's help first. What an idiot.)

* People asking for her to comment on things that are not even a national issue (Remember the issue about the Skank Kris Aquino and the idiot Joey Marquez? The fucking channel GMA-7 tried to press her for a comment. Big fucking idiots. It's an asinine showbiz issue dolts!)

* Satirists call for her resignation because, well, she makes them extinct.

* Fucking assholes who rally against American Imperialism but they have shallow patriotism. (an issue which I will discuss in the future.)

* Dolts that are calling for an honest government but they are not even honest themselves.

* Priests and nuns who want to jump in the bandwagon and call for her resignation (Hey dickheads! Didn't Jesus told you that give Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and give God what belongs to God? Don't know what the fuck that sentence means? It means don't ever fucking meddle with state affairs dipshit!)

* Makati Business Club calling for resignation because they say she is not honest and cannot run a government ethically (compared to these fucking companies that evade tax, don't use legal software, hire children, bribe government officials, make employment contracts so fucking confusing that employees don't even know they are being raped in the ass by these companies and etc., do I need to state more?)

* Former President Aquino calling for her resignation because of harsh dispersal of
rallies and protests. Hey Former President Aquino! Yeah you asswipe, did you smoke weed or anything? Because it is sure some strong stuff it makes you forget all the atrocities your administration have done. Apparently, there's an incident during your term as President called 'Mendiola Massacre' where 13 were killed and hundreds are gravely injured.

* Most of all, Miriam Santiago! Do I need to say more about her?

Well, there are many more I am sure that cause the President of the Philippines too much migraine but I listed the obvious reasons why it sucks to be the President of the Philippines.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, Philippines, politics

Jamby Madrigal is a Big Blabbering Vagina

You know, sometimes its really good to watch Senate sessions. It is really more entertaining than watching asinine "fantaseryes", "teledrama", "comedyseryes", "reality television", and any other fucking "serye" that these idiotic television networks can think of. For those who idiots that don't know what the fuck is going on, read the article below in order to know what the ruckus is all about.

The whole story

full story quote:
Drama in the Senate
spacer
Jamby, Enrile argue over who benefitted from Martial Law

By JUDE C. GALFORD III

Unable to hold her emotions, Senator Jamby Madrigal unabashedly wept at the Senate Session Hall yesterday, after it was insinuated by a veteran lawmaker that her family benefitted during the Martial Law years.

The ‘’tearful’’ episode came after Senators Juan Ponce Enrile and Madrigal engaged in an heated word-war after Enrile remarked that the Madrigals enjoyed the company of the Marcoses during the ‘’iron rule.’’

Earlier at the Session Hall, Madrigal gave a fiery speech decrying earlier insinuations purportedly made by Enrile that she was a ‘’purveyor of lies."

Madrigal scored Enrile over accounts that the veteran lawmaker allegedly staged his own ambush in the early 70’s, to spark the legitimization of an almost 13-year military rule in the country.

Feeling insulted by Madrigal’s remarks, Enrile took the Senate podium, armed with his own version of the Martial Law story and claiming the Madrigals were beneficiaries, rather than victims, of the military regime.

"I remember a certain Mr. Antonio Madrigal and Amanda Madrigal enjoying the Martial Law years in Malacanang, those days when they were partying with the Marcoses, including her uncle, the husband of her aunt, Chito Madrigal. I would like to know whether she’s related to these people," Enrile said.

With these words, Madrigal succumbed to her emotion. Her last straw of passion only allowed her to plead to the Senate leadership to strike from its records the remarks made by Enrile.

Some senators then rushed to comfort the crying Madrigal whose theatrics briefly halted the Upper House’s session.

Enrile later said the lady-senator was just being emotional.

Madrigal, on the other hand, abandoned the proceedings as she darted out of the hall.

Her parting words: "History will show who benefitted from martial law."

All I can say is Juan Ponce Enrile = 1 Jamby Madrigal = 0.

I can tell you that the idiot Madrigal is one big fucking weenie. If she can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Weenies are not needed in the Philippines. She goes out and out attacking and
when she was attacked, she takes it personally. Boo-fucking-hoo. Cry me a river asshole.

I guess here award-winning performance in the Senate comes from none other than the queen of fucking teledrama, Judy Ann Santos. For those who don't know Judy Ann Santos, she is a big fucking excuse for an actress that cries a river whenever she's on camera. When the scene of a show is dramatic, she cries; when the scene is funny, she cries; when the scene is action-packed, she cries; but more details on Judy Ann Santos for another rant.

I came up with the conclusion that the idiot Jamby Madrigal learned her award-winning performance from Judy Ann Santos, well of course, Judy Ann Santos was endorsing Jamby Madrigal. She was like her spokeperson. That is why the big blabbering vagina cries like Judy Ann Santos.

As Maddox would put it, I suggest to Jamby Madrigal is to change her fucking shampoo to Johnson with its no more tears formula.



God, I am so fucking funny.

Listed in Technorati under politics, satire, Philippines

Sick Filipino Politicians Have Twisted Priorities

Link to the article:here

From INQ7.net

A DAY after the city council of Manila passed a resolution prohibiting the showing of “The Da Vinci Code,” a congressman from the city now wants the controversial film banned nationwide.

Representative Bienvenido Abante Jr. of Manila’s 6th District also called for the resignation of Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB) chairperson Ma. Consoliza Laguardia for allowing the film, classified as R-18 (for adults only), to be shown.


First things first, the movie "The Da Vinci Code" is given a R-18 rating here in the Philippines.

Okay, what I can say is that, the Philippines have already enough problems about poverty, environment, political stability, economic situation, crime, budget deficit, overpopulation, terrorism, rebels, oil and yet, here we got Filipino politicians banning a movie because it offends the Catholic church.

Man, Filipino politicians have sick and twisted priorities. They ignore every important issues that the country is facing today and they list this one fucking lame-ass attack on the Catholic church movie as a high priority? Man, these idiots can't separate fact from fiction!

These politicians are the same politicians that didn't even try to ban more immoral porn movies like "Patikim ng pinya" (Let me taste some Pineapple[Yeah, I'm not kidding, that's the title]), but instead they try to ban "The Da Vinci Code"?

But then again, even if they ban the movie, there will be no harm done. Well, because stupid and idiotic Filipinos will buy the pirated DVD version of the movie in Quiapo. Ha ha. I crack me up.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion, movies

The Next Time a Beggar Comes to Me, I'm Going to Give him Condoms

Seriously, starting today, every beggar that comes to me begging for alms, I'm going to give him a condom.

Look at these beggars, they have the nerve to fuck and breed like rabbits and then come to me begging for alms. These idiots don't deserve money, they deserve condoms.

These idiots like to make a lot of children, then have trouble bringing these little fuckers, then blame the fucking government for not helping them. Good work Sherlock Holmes! You make your own problems by making a lot of children, and then when you have problems raising your kids, you are blaming the government for your problems. You win the prestigious Idiot Award.

God, these stupid television networks have to be an asshole and portray these idiots as poor little bastards. Oh, boo hoo, their lives are shit, they're poor, they can't raise their kids and put them in schools. The daily cost of living is too high them. Boy, you got to be a cold-hearted bitch not to pity them. But wait, you going to see that this poor beggar has 12 kids. Oh shit! These fuckers have more children than your average middle-class family.

Can't these beggars have a little common sense? As in more kids is equals to more mouths to feed. Idiots.

Next time beggars come to me begging for alms, I will give them condoms and going to say to them: "Here's a condom. Use it wisely, trust me. You're doing yourself and the humanity a lot of good by using this."

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, random stupidity