Yup, my colleague officially killed the English language today. By the time my colleague he’s finished with the English language; it was bloody mess that you can’t identify it.
He is so much of a dipshit that really butchers the English language every fucking time that he speaks, writes or thinks.
Just look at some of the stupidity that reeks out of this idiot:
Random person: “Where did Michael Jordan played basketball in college?”
My idiot colleague: “Michael Jordan played North Carolina.”
It’s a good thing that I was passing by when a random person was having a conversation with my colleague. Since I am a very merciful bad ass person, I did my idiot colleague a favor by kicking his nuts and beat some sense into him. Holy shit dimwit, Michael Jordan played North Carolina? If I ever meet Michael Jordan in person, I will ask him where did he get the game called “North Carolina” because I looked all over the world and never saw a game called “North Carolina.”
Hey dimwit, I have to wonder where you went to college. Because you defy all sense of logic. While technically the sentence has a correct syntax, the sentence itself is very much idiotic and even normal people will be infected with your stupidity. A better answer would be: “Michael Jordan played college basketball in North Carolina.”
And every time you have to talk or write to anyone, you have to write or speak in “l33t” talk or other fucking murdered English. You can’t resist saying “pwned” or like “LOL” or “GTG”. Hey dickhead, do you have to be fucking stupid and lazy and can’t write properly?
Don’t worry though, next time you murder English again, I am going to do humanity a favor and give you a swift kick to your fucking face.
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Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Friday, September 15, 2006
Yo Pervert, And You Keep Wondering Why Your Female Colleague Quit
Hey pervert, you always keep asking me why the only female in our team quit. Well, I will tell you why dimwit, it is because of you and your perverseness, asshole.
Every single day you just have to harass with lame sex jokes your female colleague, which happens to share the same cubicle with you. Every fucking day you have to bring your perverted adult magazines and read it in front of her instead of doing your fucking job. Every single day you have to view your lesbian hardcore porn in your computer played in Windows Media Player with full window view so even she can see it. But wait, other colleagues can see it too, asshole.
Ever heard of shame, dimwit? Not only you waste the fucking company's resources for downloading and watching porn in the company's computer (yes, dipshit. It is the company's computer, not fucking yours), but you also broadcast it so your female cubicle mate will see it too.
Every single day you just have to harass with lame sex jokes your female colleague, which happens to share the same cubicle with you. Every fucking day you have to bring your perverted adult magazines and read it in front of her instead of doing your fucking job. Every single day you have to view your lesbian hardcore porn in your computer played in Windows Media Player with full window view so even she can see it. But wait, other colleagues can see it too, asshole.
Ever heard of shame, dimwit? Not only you waste the fucking company's resources for downloading and watching porn in the company's computer (yes, dipshit. It is the company's computer, not fucking yours), but you also broadcast it so your female cubicle mate will see it too.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
No Matter What You Say, Sports Buffs are Still Dorks
You know in my work, there are groups of douchebags that pose themselves as cool people while they are not. These people call other people as dorks and nerds. Yep, these are the self-proclaimed sports 'buffs'.
One day, while my loyal battle monkey bastichos and I were discussing about music, these douchebags went over to our place and told us we're dorks because we pretty much collect information about music, pop-culture, games and other stuff. And they started laughing thier asses off.
Because I am still in a good mood that day, I gave them a fucking beating of thier lives. I kicked an punched these assholes in the nuts, that thier voice are like stupid, fucking women.
I tell you people, these douchebags are nothing but posers. They claim that people who like anime and games are dorks, dweebs and nerds, but if you think about it, they are dorks, dweebs and nerds themselves.
These douchebags try to look cool to other people by showing that they are interested in sports by collecting useless player statistics, videos of sweaty players grabbing each others ass in a football game, and other shit. I say that is more homoerotic than people playing games.
If you look at it, there is nothing different about sports 'buffs' and gaming and anime dorks. See the comparison below:
Sports 'buffs' = people who collect useless information about players, sports games, tournament schedules, sports cards
Anime nerds or Anime otakus = people who collect useless information about anime, directors, fictional characters, anime series
Gaming dorks = people who collect useless information about games, game publishers, game developers, game artists
So in the end, what I can say to these sports 'buffs' is that they are all douchebags. No matter what they say, sports buffs are still dorks, just like every other dorks.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, sports
One day, while my loyal battle monkey bastichos and I were discussing about music, these douchebags went over to our place and told us we're dorks because we pretty much collect information about music, pop-culture, games and other stuff. And they started laughing thier asses off.
Because I am still in a good mood that day, I gave them a fucking beating of thier lives. I kicked an punched these assholes in the nuts, that thier voice are like stupid, fucking women.
I tell you people, these douchebags are nothing but posers. They claim that people who like anime and games are dorks, dweebs and nerds, but if you think about it, they are dorks, dweebs and nerds themselves.
These douchebags try to look cool to other people by showing that they are interested in sports by collecting useless player statistics, videos of sweaty players grabbing each others ass in a football game, and other shit. I say that is more homoerotic than people playing games.
If you look at it, there is nothing different about sports 'buffs' and gaming and anime dorks. See the comparison below:
Sports 'buffs' = people who collect useless information about players, sports games, tournament schedules, sports cards
Anime nerds or Anime otakus = people who collect useless information about anime, directors, fictional characters, anime series
Gaming dorks = people who collect useless information about games, game publishers, game developers, game artists
So in the end, what I can say to these sports 'buffs' is that they are all douchebags. No matter what they say, sports buffs are still dorks, just like every other dorks.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, random stupidity, sports
We're in the Same Room, so Stop Shouting Dolt!
Hey Dickhead, we're in the same room so stop shouting. Why do you have to shout that every time you have to speak? Every time you have to say something, whether it is a question, a statement, an exclamation or random babble, you shout in an ear-shattering voice that makes my blood boil.
Did you even try to speak in a low tone or speak softly? Don't worry about us not hearing you, because we are just one and a half feet away from you dolt. The only one with the hearing impairment is you, because you apparently don't hear that you are already shouting.
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Did you even try to speak in a low tone or speak softly? Don't worry about us not hearing you, because we are just one and a half feet away from you dolt. The only one with the hearing impairment is you, because you apparently don't hear that you are already shouting.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work
Don't Know When You Need to Quit Your Job?
You don't know when to quit your job? Here are some few questions to ask yourself to take note of, so you can know when you can give your two weeks notice and give your boss the finger:
1. Do you only earn minimum wage?
2. Is your boss an asshole?
3. Are you being supervised by your colleague?
4. You don't even know the Mission and Vision Statement of the company?
5. Are you working more than 8 hours?
6. Are you working in a call center?
7. Do you get contradicting orders from the management?
8. Do you feel you're like Dilbert?
9. Do you think that the only thing that motivates you to go to work is your salary?
10. Do you work in a cubicle?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then do I need to spell it out for you dimwit? Don't hesitate for a minute. Quit your fucking job now and be a bum. I tell you, it will do you a lot of good.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work
1. Do you only earn minimum wage?
2. Is your boss an asshole?
3. Are you being supervised by your colleague?
4. You don't even know the Mission and Vision Statement of the company?
5. Are you working more than 8 hours?
6. Are you working in a call center?
7. Do you get contradicting orders from the management?
8. Do you feel you're like Dilbert?
9. Do you think that the only thing that motivates you to go to work is your salary?
10. Do you work in a cubicle?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then do I need to spell it out for you dimwit? Don't hesitate for a minute. Quit your fucking job now and be a bum. I tell you, it will do you a lot of good.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work
Job Hunting Tips for idiots
Hello loyal servants, this is your bad-ass priest Derick here. If you notice, we are now in the middle of the job-hunting season. If you wanna know, the annual job-hunting season starts in June and ends in December. This is the season when people act like Neanderthal cavemen who compete with each other to hunt the best job that is high-paying, low-stress and idiotic bosses to make fun of.
However, this is also the season when virgin, naive, doe-eyed fresh graduates from university comes out of their parents basement and look for work, probably because their parents kicked their deadbeat ass out of the house. This is the primary victim of scrupulous companies who will suck blood out of these fresh and naive graduates. Most of these evil companies posts classified ads with some-what harmless buzzwords, but there are overall evil intentions lurking in these buzzwords.
And I Derick, your bad-ass priest presents you the most common and popular job-ads buzzwords that evil companies uses. Try your best to not to apply at them.
"Able to work in a fast-paced environment": This means that things don't go along as they were planned in this company. This
means that the company expect you to do everything at the last minute.
"Able to multitask": This means that the company expect you to roleplay without actually costume playing. You play the role of
secretary, janitor, reception, office clerk, accountant all at the same time. To cut things short, the company
expects you to do a lot of things poorly, than one thing really well.
"Detail-oriented": This means the company is anal-retentive. Be sure to wear face masks when showing your work to your boss.
Because his/her spit will fly when nitpicking your work. Make one mistake, you'll get chewed out.
"Team Player": The company expects you to like everything what they like, even though you hate it with your guts, because that is what a team player" is being all about.
"Able to work under minimum supervision": This means the management is like David Copperfield, they disappear when you need
them. Companies that post classified ads with this kind of requirement likes to play hooky, hoping that workers
will pick up the slack and mess while they are away playing golf.
"Self-motivated": This needs no explanation, really. The management expects you to work extra hard, motivated by something
else other than the tiny salary.
Okay, with that out of the way, here are my tips in order for you to find a job, you deadbeat asshole.
* Your resume should not be a "one-size-fits-all" resume.
* You should not post your online resume on Jobstreet, Jobsdb or what ever online job boards and wait for employers to contact you.
* Your resume should not be a shotgun. Meaning, don't just apply to whatever company you fancy. Your thinking of finding a job is by applying for as many companies is stupid.
* Know the Job Search Domino Effect:
1. Marketing Preparation
2. Dynamic Cover Letter
3. Excellent Resume
4. Strong Interviewing Skills
5. Timely Follow-up
With these tips that I gave you, you can surely avoid all those evil companies out to suck your blood and land the job of your dreams, well, unless you screw it up halfway there.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work
However, this is also the season when virgin, naive, doe-eyed fresh graduates from university comes out of their parents basement and look for work, probably because their parents kicked their deadbeat ass out of the house. This is the primary victim of scrupulous companies who will suck blood out of these fresh and naive graduates. Most of these evil companies posts classified ads with some-what harmless buzzwords, but there are overall evil intentions lurking in these buzzwords.
And I Derick, your bad-ass priest presents you the most common and popular job-ads buzzwords that evil companies uses. Try your best to not to apply at them.
"Able to work in a fast-paced environment": This means that things don't go along as they were planned in this company. This
means that the company expect you to do everything at the last minute.
"Able to multitask": This means that the company expect you to roleplay without actually costume playing. You play the role of
secretary, janitor, reception, office clerk, accountant all at the same time. To cut things short, the company
expects you to do a lot of things poorly, than one thing really well.
"Detail-oriented": This means the company is anal-retentive. Be sure to wear face masks when showing your work to your boss.
Because his/her spit will fly when nitpicking your work. Make one mistake, you'll get chewed out.
"Team Player": The company expects you to like everything what they like, even though you hate it with your guts, because that is what a team player" is being all about.
"Able to work under minimum supervision": This means the management is like David Copperfield, they disappear when you need
them. Companies that post classified ads with this kind of requirement likes to play hooky, hoping that workers
will pick up the slack and mess while they are away playing golf.
"Self-motivated": This needs no explanation, really. The management expects you to work extra hard, motivated by something
else other than the tiny salary.
Okay, with that out of the way, here are my tips in order for you to find a job, you deadbeat asshole.
* Your resume should not be a "one-size-fits-all" resume.
* You should not post your online resume on Jobstreet, Jobsdb or what ever online job boards and wait for employers to contact you.
* Your resume should not be a shotgun. Meaning, don't just apply to whatever company you fancy. Your thinking of finding a job is by applying for as many companies is stupid.
* Know the Job Search Domino Effect:
1. Marketing Preparation
2. Dynamic Cover Letter
3. Excellent Resume
4. Strong Interviewing Skills
5. Timely Follow-up
With these tips that I gave you, you can surely avoid all those evil companies out to suck your blood and land the job of your dreams, well, unless you screw it up halfway there.
Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, work
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