Buddhism Explained in Ways That Dolts Can Understand

Okay, first things first, Siddhartha Gautama is not Chinese. Buddhism didn't came from China! Buddhism is not what you see about flying, crazed kungfu monks. Now that I have released my anger, it is time to explain to you Buddhism in the simplest way.

Buddhism is pretty much revolves around 4 absolute truths that applies to everyone and the 8 paths to holiness or enlightenment.

I haven't lost you? Good...

Okay for the 4 most important parts in Buddhism which are the absolute truths:

1. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag!
2. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things.
3. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But you can reach enlightenment.
4. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But it can be avoided by doing the eightfold path in order to reach enlightenment.

So, in order for life to be unfair in your favor, you need to follow the eightfold path to enlightenment which are:
1. Correct views: It means don't be a dumbass.
2. Correct intentions: Once you're smart, try to do the right thing.
3. Correct speech: Tell things like it is. Just like I do, I tell things like it is because you're too stupid to understand anything else.
4. Correct action: Just do it!
5. Correct livelihood: Be a righteous person.
6. Correct effort: Your life is not served in a silver platter, so get your rear in gear and work!
7. Correct mental state: This pretty much says that you need to be bad-ass and see things as what they are.
8. Correct concentration: Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate! And oh yeah, concentrate.

So, yep, that's pretty much Buddhism is all about. Okay, I know you probably dumbfounded and want to ask about kungfu monks and those high-flying martial artists with pressure points attack? Well, there are none of them, dipshit! That's just the result of Chinese raping Buddhism in the ass.

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion