Due to Bad-Assery, I Have a Direct Phoneline to God

You know, every year, we always have doomsayers that always predict the end of the world in that year or something like that. These people are fucking stupid, they keep predicting every single bad thing that happens as an omen that the world is nearing its end. And stupid thing here is that, when it doesn't happen, they will say God has given us more time and whatever shit they think of and then they again predict the end of the world. I tell you, it is an idiot, vicious cycle.

And the funny thing here is, is that these doomsayers keep using unrelated things as an omen that the world will end. Remember when these idiots say that the credit card is the '666' mark and that is an omen that the world will end? Or how about the 2K or so-called 'millenium bug' signals the end of the world?

Remember when these fucking doomsayers said that the world will end in September 23, 1997? No? You don't remember? That's okay, neither these doomsayers remember either.
What about in 1999, when these assholes predicted that the world will end in exactly January 1, 2000, do you still remember? No? You don't remember either? That's okay, that prediction was asinine to begin with. Or how about the World Trade Center incident? You don't remember it? That's okay too, you were probably too busy bombing Iraq.

Well, since I am a bad-ass priest that kicks a lot of ass for the Lord, the Lord actually given me his phone number. So, I usually contact the Lord everytime these doomsayers predict about the end of the world. And usually, our conversation ends something like below:

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Lord: "Yo, what's up?"
Me: "Anyway, I heard some doomsayers say that the world will end next month"
Lord: "Yeah. I'm planning some hailstorm, cometstrikes, simultaneous volcano eruptions and such. You know, typical end of the world stuff."
Me: "Okay. Well then, I'll see you in a month"

After a month,

Me: "Yo Dude!"
Lord: "Hey man!"
Me: "Hey I thought you are going to end the world this month."
Lord: "Oh, I completely forgot all about it. Oh well, I guess you all get to live until another doomsayer says otherwise."
Me: "Uh... okay."

Yep, that happens a lot. Man I hate doomsayers a lot.

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religion

I Guess Everyone is Condemned To Go To Hell

Well, you know me, the bad-ass priest that kicks ass for the Lord. As much as I try to save people, stupidity is pretty much rampant. And because of this, Jesus Christ called me earlier and told me I should do a month long Holy Week special since its already Holy Week. So since buddy JC asked, I will try to point out some very stupid things in religion.

First stop, I'm gonna say that a lot of Catholics still study to the Old Testament. I say it is stupid. If you go by the Old Testament, everyone is fucking condemned to the blazing, burning, painful Hell.

How is that so? Well, let's check the Leviticus book in the Old Testament. You will see that everyone is very much, got a way ticket to Hell(an another concept that I will discuss soon).

If you check Leviticus 19:19, it will say:
"Keep my statutes: do not breed any of your domestic animals with others of a different species; do not sow a field of yours with two different kinds of seed; and do not put on a garment woven with two different kinds of thread."

Okay, we are eating Fuji Apple(combined the Red Delicious and old Virginia Ralls Gene), people cross-breed dogs, horses and what other shit there may be, and yep, fashion designers makes clothes with two kinds of thread. I guess that condemned a lot of people to hell. Maybe around 900 million?

Okay, how about checking Leviticus 19:27:
"Do not clip your hair at the temples, nor trim the edges of your beard."

I guess that God condemned all the bald people and people with shaved beards to hell.

Or how about this verse Leviticus 19:18:
"Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

I guess all of your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours are also condemned to hell too. But I guess that includes you since your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours thinks you are a fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbour. So, you're going to hell too buddy.

And last but not the least, see Leviticus 19:26:
"Do not eat meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or soothsaying."

Ok, that doesn't sound too bad. But if you ate chicken at any fastfood restaurand, let's say Jollibee, McDonalds, Popeyes, then you probably ate a chicken that is not cooked well because you can see the reddish blood in the bones.

Well, I guess pretty much every one is condemned to hell now.

Originally posted in April

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The Most Pompous, Arrogant, Idiots Who Think They Are Gods: Popes

You know, popes of the Catholic church are the most pompous, arrogant, self-serving bastards that they think they are Jesus Christs on Earth. They try to teach about Jesus and his humility, but they aren't the prime examples of it. Okay, let's cut the crap and have a look at the idiot popes, shall we?

First stop, Pope Innocent III:
Pope Innocent III: "He(Pope) judges all and judged by no one."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT MAN! I just cussed in capital letters over that one, well because, as you see Pope Innocent III sees himself as a Messiah-like figure that exempts him from all sins and be like Jesus Christ. From all I know, even the bible states that everyone is sinner, only Jesus Christ is sinless. Moses sinned against the Lord, even David, the Lord's favorite sinned against him. So what makes this pompous asshole thinks he's sinless?

Next stop, Pope Leo XIII:
Pope Leo XIII: "We hold upon this Earth the place of God Almighty."
WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you really think you hold the Earth under Catholic rule? That's really boosting your already bloated ego and assume you are the Earth's Messiah. And yep, you dipshit, how dare you call Earth the place of God Almighty! You know, God is in Heaven, not Earth!

Well, last stop for the day, Pope Boniface VIII:
Pope Boniface VIII said a lot of things, so we'll put it in bullet points.
1. The dead will rise just as little as my horse which died yesterday;
2. Mary, when she bore Christ, was just as little a virgin as my own mother when she gave birth to me;
3. Sex and the satisfaction of natural drives is as little a sin as hand washing;
4. Paradise and hell only exist on earth; the healthy, rich and happy people live in the earthly paradise, the poor and the sick are in the earthly hell;
As you can see, these popes are clearly pompous and arrogant bastards and pretty much they think they are gods and messiahs. Now let's look at the II Thessalonians:

[2 Thessalonians 2]
2:1 Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and [by] our gathering together unto him,
2:2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.
2:3 Let no man deceive you by any means: for [that day shall not come], except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
2:4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God.

Ah... I give up. Popes are just pompous airheads.

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Buddhism Explained in Ways That Dolts Can Understand

Okay, first things first, Siddhartha Gautama is not Chinese. Buddhism didn't came from China! Buddhism is not what you see about flying, crazed kungfu monks. Now that I have released my anger, it is time to explain to you Buddhism in the simplest way.

Buddhism is pretty much revolves around 4 absolute truths that applies to everyone and the 8 paths to holiness or enlightenment.

I haven't lost you? Good...

Okay for the 4 most important parts in Buddhism which are the absolute truths:

1. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag!
2. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things.
3. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But you can reach enlightenment.
4. Life is not fair, specially not in your favor scumbag! It happens because you're greedy in material things. But it can be avoided by doing the eightfold path in order to reach enlightenment.

So, in order for life to be unfair in your favor, you need to follow the eightfold path to enlightenment which are:
1. Correct views: It means don't be a dumbass.
2. Correct intentions: Once you're smart, try to do the right thing.
3. Correct speech: Tell things like it is. Just like I do, I tell things like it is because you're too stupid to understand anything else.
4. Correct action: Just do it!
5. Correct livelihood: Be a righteous person.
6. Correct effort: Your life is not served in a silver platter, so get your rear in gear and work!
7. Correct mental state: This pretty much says that you need to be bad-ass and see things as what they are.
8. Correct concentration: Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate! And oh yeah, concentrate.

So, yep, that's pretty much Buddhism is all about. Okay, I know you probably dumbfounded and want to ask about kungfu monks and those high-flying martial artists with pressure points attack? Well, there are none of them, dipshit! That's just the result of Chinese raping Buddhism in the ass.

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By General Consensus, Religion is no Longer the Opiate of the Masses

As of March 22, 2006, 4:53 AM, I tried to knock some sense to idiots and dimwits. I ventured to the insanity of hell and beyond by visiting forums. I went to a Filipino web forum called PinoyExchange (http://www.pinoyexchange.com).

Then, I tried to go to its religion forums where I can kick ass for the Lord by knocking some sense to idiots. But for some strange reasons, I cannot find a dedicated thread for religion. Then, it dawned to me. Religion is not anymore important to Filipinos.

I investigated the whole site and found out that there is a total of 13,645,007 messages posted in the whole PinoyExchange forums, which are broken down to:

Local Movies and TV = 7,956,562 posts
International Movies and TV = 270,636 posts
Anime and Manga = 64,527 posts

Total = 8,291,725 posts

Holy Fuck! That's 60.77% of the whole forum. Karl Marx is very, very wrong. TV is now the opiate of the masses.

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