I Guess Everyone is Condemned To Go To Hell

Well, you know me, the bad-ass priest that kicks ass for the Lord. As much as I try to save people, stupidity is pretty much rampant. And because of this, Jesus Christ called me earlier and told me I should do a month long Holy Week special since its already Holy Week. So since buddy JC asked, I will try to point out some very stupid things in religion.

First stop, I'm gonna say that a lot of Catholics still study to the Old Testament. I say it is stupid. If you go by the Old Testament, everyone is fucking condemned to the blazing, burning, painful Hell.

How is that so? Well, let's check the Leviticus book in the Old Testament. You will see that everyone is very much, got a way ticket to Hell(an another concept that I will discuss soon).

If you check Leviticus 19:19, it will say:
"Keep my statutes: do not breed any of your domestic animals with others of a different species; do not sow a field of yours with two different kinds of seed; and do not put on a garment woven with two different kinds of thread."

Okay, we are eating Fuji Apple(combined the Red Delicious and old Virginia Ralls Gene), people cross-breed dogs, horses and what other shit there may be, and yep, fashion designers makes clothes with two kinds of thread. I guess that condemned a lot of people to hell. Maybe around 900 million?

Okay, how about checking Leviticus 19:27:
"Do not clip your hair at the temples, nor trim the edges of your beard."

I guess that God condemned all the bald people and people with shaved beards to hell.

Or how about this verse Leviticus 19:18:
"Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

I guess all of your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours are also condemned to hell too. But I guess that includes you since your fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbours thinks you are a fucking, backstabbing cockbite neighbour. So, you're going to hell too buddy.

And last but not the least, see Leviticus 19:26:
"Do not eat meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or soothsaying."

Ok, that doesn't sound too bad. But if you ate chicken at any fastfood restaurand, let's say Jollibee, McDonalds, Popeyes, then you probably ate a chicken that is not cooked well because you can see the reddish blood in the bones.

Well, I guess pretty much every one is condemned to hell now.

Originally posted in April

Listed in Technorati under humor, satire, comedy, religion